Just Visited My Aunt, In A Home.

[TSJMajesty]

It was sad. It's a state facility, so not the best.

"Aunt B" is only 10 years older than me, and I was her 1st nephew, and her mother's 1st grandchild, so she was still a young teen by the time I started becoming aware of how much I loved music, and LOVED visiting "Mum's house" at holidays and during summer vacay. So I adored visiting, and used to always get to play her 45's. Bit of a hippie, being a teen in the 60's and coming of age in the 70's. We were really close. I would cry when my parents came to take me home. Memories...

So it was really hard to see her like she is. I watched while a young girl worked with her to count out various denominations of play money, and she got so stressed by how hard it was, she broke down. This is an old lady who once told me a story of how she dropped all 4 hits of 4-way Windowpane acid, because it was taking so long to kick in that she thought it was weak! She said by the time my grandmother came to pick her up she was tripping balls SO HARD!!

I don't expect she has much longer, but I'll do my best to visit, & try my best to have that same child-like enthusiasm I had for her when I was just a kid. And I'll always remember her for playing such a huge role in my life, for why I ended up loving music so much.

If you have older relatives, please don't forget them. It's easy to do, what with how hard it can be managing our own lives. And the girls/ladies, and a few men, who work there are nothing short of real-world saints, imo! And it's nice to hear her still introduce me, saying, "Isn't he so handsome?" And all the ladies nodding in agreement. Lol

 

[la szum]

How great of you to NOT forget her, Tom.

My stepfather was sent to a "Rehabilitation Facility" last fall after a Hospital stay. I convinced
my Mom to bust him out (they said he could stay indefinitely "because Insurance!" $$) and
get him back home (where he is on Hospice now), because the conditions were so bad. He was
mentally deteriorating fast. Unfamiliar surroundings, no stimulation, a roommate who stayed in
bed all the time, including to soil himself repeatedly.

My Mom had to sign a paper that stipulated he was being let go against Physician recommendations.

He's better where he is now. He's also lucky he has family around who will take care of him. Those
facilities are beyond sad. And yes, the people (generally understaffed and overworked ) are beyond
Saints indeed!

Blessings to you and your Auntie.

 

[TSJMajesty]

Thank you Dave. I really want to go back on the regular, because I can't imagine how it would feel to have no choice but to live out your last days in an unfamiliar place like that. She does have a devoted daughter who was there yesterday, but I'm not sure of her 2 brothers. And she chatted with a few of the others while I was there, so that made me feel good.

Oh and there was this gentleman who obviously had not lost his sense of humor!! He didn't hide his flirting. teehee

I was mainly hoping to encourage us all to not forget our older relatives, in general. We're all headed that direction, so it can be scary seeing it up close. I'm thinking of taking an acoustic with me next time.

 

[Warmart]

You are both saints in my book, that's they way you're supposed to do it! My thoughts are with both of you and peace for your family.

 

[la szum]

Just a thought a Tom, but I wonder if you can get her out and take her someplace to eat, or just go
drive around places familiar to her. I did that with my Stepdad before we busted him out completely.

If she is "ambulatory" they may allow you to "sign her out" for a few hours.

 

[TSJMajesty]

Just a thought a Tom, but I wonder if you can get her out and take her someplace to eat, or just go
drive around places familiar to her. I did that with my Stepdad before we busted him out completely.

If she is "ambulatory" they may allow you to "sign her out" for a few hours.

I actually thought about that as I was driving to see her, but she's having trouble walking now, and I doubt I could get her up into my F250.

"Busted him out" haha I like your choice of words.

It was a decent place, everyone seemed in very good spirits, residents as well as staff..., lots of laughter, which is always a good sign.

 

[la szum]

That's cool she is in a nice place.

 

[Jambi]

Bless you guys. It’s awesome that she has you to visit her Tom. Have you brought up the windowpane story to her recently? I wonder what her thoughts are about it now. Those can be very fond memories. Are you about listen to music that you grew up with when you visit?

 

[la szum]

That's a great idea, Jambi! I think @TSJMajesty mentioned taking his acoustic sometime.

 

[TSJMajesty]

Bless you guys. It’s awesome that she has you to visit her Tom. Have you brought up the windowpane story to her recently?

It was one of the first things I mentioned, and she was like, "Shhhh." Haha But since she was about to do her therapy, we didn't get a chance.

I wonder what her thoughts are about it now. Those can be very fond memories. Are you about listen to music that you grew up with when you visit?

Oh I had a few of those songs going in my mind as I drove home.

 

[Jambi]

Oh I had a few of those songs going in my mind as I drove home.

I’m sorry, that was meant to say “Are you able to listen?”

 

[TSJMajesty]

I’m sorry, that was meant to say “Are you able to listen?”

Oh yeah. I'm ok.

 

[EOengineer]

Big ups for showing up for family. It’s not always easy, especially towards the end, and it can absolutely mean the world to have someone there. Good on you.

 

[AutomationBias]

I had to put both of my parents in a nursing home a couple of years ago. It's a nice-enough facility, but the whole experience has been really eye-opening for me in terms of end-of-life care.

 

[fretworn]

I was brought into a similar situation, reluctantly… Dying mother-in-law in the house with Alzheimer’s…

I’ve learned to be extraordinarily grateful for this.

 

[Rocco Crocco]

I will not become a resident of a place like that, no matter what it takes.

 

[AutomationBias]

I will not become a resident of a place like that, no matter what it takes.

Hardly anyone in a nursing home is there by choice. You're cruising along in your everyday life, then suddenly you have a stroke (or some other unexpected health event) and you're no longer capable of taking care of yourself. Or sometimes it's something like dementia. There are people in my parents' nursing home who are in their 40s and 50s. Bad stuff happens.

I think everyone has some idealized image of how they'll check out, and it rarely corresponds to reality. My mom has been a miserably unhappy person for her entire ~80 years of life. She's had a bunch of heart attacks and strokes, and she's in a nursing home. She has a 'do not resuscitate' and 'do not intubate' order, she has been clear that she doesn't want any sort of extraordinary care to save her life, and she talks endlessly about how much she hates the nursing home. She got extremely sick over the winter with sepsis and refused to go to the hospital. A nurse at the facility finally said, "This is totally your choice, but you have probably hours to live if you don't go to the ER." She caved and went to the hospital. You just can't overestimate the will to survive.

 

[EOengineer]

Hardly anyone in a nursing home is there by choice. You're cruising along in your everyday life, then suddenly you have a stroke (or some other unexpected health event) and you're no longer capable of taking care of yourself. Or sometimes it's something like dementia. There are people in my parents' nursing home who are in their 40s and 50s. Bad stuff happens.

I think everyone has some idealized image of how they'll check out, and it rarely corresponds to reality. My mom has been a miserably unhappy person for her entire ~80 years of life. She's had a bunch of heart attacks and strokes, and she's in a nursing home. She has a 'do not resuscitate' and 'do not intubate' order, she has been clear that she doesn't want any sort of extraordinary care to save her life, and she talks endlessly about how much she hates the nursing home. She got extremely sick over the winter with sepsis and refused to go to the hospital. A nurse at the facility finally said, "This is totally your choice, but you have probably hours to live if you don't go to the ER." She caved and went to the hospital. You just can't overestimate the will to survive.

I’m sorry she’s having such a hard time. That’s hard for her, it’s hard for you, probably others too. Hope you are holding up ok.

We’re going to be hearing a lot more about end of life care over the next decade or more. I’ve seen both my parents lose their retirement in their 60s due to medical debt. I’m terrified for what their late years are going to look like and I know they aren’t the only ones in that boat. Things could look very bleak for many.

 

[JT]

Mojo sent to everyone in this thread that's hurting in one way or another. It's tough seeing loved ones get older and start to wither a bit

 

[TSJMajesty]

One of my biggest fears relates to why we're all here (playing a musical instrument): That someday, due to some health issue, I'll no longer be able to play guitar. That's a big one for me.

I'm fine with diminishing skills; I just don't want a stroke, or something that takes it all away.

Like, I've been very careful with my hands for 45 years, and every time I use a saw, especially a table saw, I stop for a moment and consciously put my mind into complete focus on what I'm doing. Even to the point of if someone is working near me, I don't have any conversations while I'm in the process of cutting anything. And if that little voice in my head speaks up, I do whatever he's concerned about. In fact, that right there is a big reason people get injured- They ignore that voice. "Oh it'll be fine." Or he's in the background, and you don't even pause to think about whatever the danger is.

I know 4 people who got careless with saws. 3 got lucky, I drove 1 of those to the hospital, and the 4th lost fingers. I think there's even one guy over at FAS who lost a finger.

F*CK THAT! I wanna play til the day I die!