cragginshred
Roadie
- Messages
- 453
I take care of firewood, which entails a lot of manual labor, slashing, burning hauling splitting. She cooks and cleans. I help with dishes and buy my own beer, guitars and amps. Did I leave anything out 
Married Peoples: How do you balance division of chores?
- Thread starter OrganicZed
- Start date
Jarick
Rock Star
- Messages
- 3,454
I have a feeling that both sides will feel they have the higher work load regardless of what the reality is.
Generally I do the dishes and take out the trash, while my wife does the laundry. Other cleaning chores get divided up as needed. Dishes is something that needs to be done daily and is 30-60 minutes on average. Laundry is once a week and takes most of a full day on and off. I also do all the outdoor work like snow clearing and lawn mowing.
I'm not sure how old your kid(s) are, but with kids under two all bets are off. Nobody gets sleep and everyone's on edge. We would try and trade off who got up with the baby, but it's never fun.
Otherwise, it just depends on what kind of partnership you have. If you are doing 90% of the work and are fine with it, then keep it as is. If you are doing 55% and mad it's not 50/50, probably more of an uphill battle. If your partner is super lazy and doesn't want to do anything, then you need to be honest and talk about it.
Another thought I have is, if you are both dug in and can't align, it's absolutely worth trying some couple's therapy. I'm just a dude on a gear forum, but my ex and I could never get on the same page and everything sucked at home. We split and my wife and I have almost always been on the same page from day one. Not to say we never disagree, but usually we can figure it out if one person is struggling. Because we both really give a shit and want everything to work.
Anyways maybe a place to start, see if you can find some common ground. Can you have 15 minutes of peace and quiet when you get home first, then take over with the kids so she can get a break for a bit? Can you wait until after the kid goes to bed to do some cleaning, that way you can make some time as a couple or family to actually enjoy life for a hot minute? Switching off bed times is a great idea, as is just generally having a schedule. Having one night per week where you can get out of the house, then another where she can, and maybe 1-2 times per month trying to have a date night.
Generally I do the dishes and take out the trash, while my wife does the laundry. Other cleaning chores get divided up as needed. Dishes is something that needs to be done daily and is 30-60 minutes on average. Laundry is once a week and takes most of a full day on and off. I also do all the outdoor work like snow clearing and lawn mowing.
I'm not sure how old your kid(s) are, but with kids under two all bets are off. Nobody gets sleep and everyone's on edge. We would try and trade off who got up with the baby, but it's never fun.
Otherwise, it just depends on what kind of partnership you have. If you are doing 90% of the work and are fine with it, then keep it as is. If you are doing 55% and mad it's not 50/50, probably more of an uphill battle. If your partner is super lazy and doesn't want to do anything, then you need to be honest and talk about it.
Another thought I have is, if you are both dug in and can't align, it's absolutely worth trying some couple's therapy. I'm just a dude on a gear forum, but my ex and I could never get on the same page and everything sucked at home. We split and my wife and I have almost always been on the same page from day one. Not to say we never disagree, but usually we can figure it out if one person is struggling. Because we both really give a shit and want everything to work.
Anyways maybe a place to start, see if you can find some common ground. Can you have 15 minutes of peace and quiet when you get home first, then take over with the kids so she can get a break for a bit? Can you wait until after the kid goes to bed to do some cleaning, that way you can make some time as a couple or family to actually enjoy life for a hot minute? Switching off bed times is a great idea, as is just generally having a schedule. Having one night per week where you can get out of the house, then another where she can, and maybe 1-2 times per month trying to have a date night.
- Messages
- 2,414
norminal
Rock Star
- Messages
- 5,491
Cirrus
Roadie
- Messages
- 314
Now now. Don't be judgemental. I'd only just woke up.
My daughter's 2 1/2, and there have absolutely been times when I've been unhappy with how the division of labour has gone. That's natural.
It's really important that both parents get time to be themselves. Not just for the parents: that time maintaining your own life and mental well being pays dividends in helping you be the best parent you can be, and also provides a real life, real time role model for your child demonstrating how to be a well adjusted adult with the skill of balancing their time and responsibilities.
The thing that is a red flag for me in your OP is this idea that you work all day, then do all the childcare when you're at home, including overnight. When my kid was a baby, especially when wife was staying at home, she did the nights so that I didn't fall asleep and crash on the motorway on the morning commute. I'd take the early morning (like, any time after 4am) feed, nappy change, whatever, so wife could get some sleep, and I'd take on some night time burden as the situation demanded - if baby was ill or just unsettled or wife was especially tired, for example.
The situation you described made it sound like she treats parenting like a 9-5 job then gets her old life back the rest of the time. Obviously that isn't fair.
My daughter's 2 1/2, and there have absolutely been times when I've been unhappy with how the division of labour has gone. That's natural.
It's really important that both parents get time to be themselves. Not just for the parents: that time maintaining your own life and mental well being pays dividends in helping you be the best parent you can be, and also provides a real life, real time role model for your child demonstrating how to be a well adjusted adult with the skill of balancing their time and responsibilities.
The thing that is a red flag for me in your OP is this idea that you work all day, then do all the childcare when you're at home, including overnight. When my kid was a baby, especially when wife was staying at home, she did the nights so that I didn't fall asleep and crash on the motorway on the morning commute. I'd take the early morning (like, any time after 4am) feed, nappy change, whatever, so wife could get some sleep, and I'd take on some night time burden as the situation demanded - if baby was ill or just unsettled or wife was especially tired, for example.
The situation you described made it sound like she treats parenting like a 9-5 job then gets her old life back the rest of the time. Obviously that isn't fair.
Ed DeGenaro
Shredder
- Messages
- 1,029
First marriage I did the majority, second we had maid and cook.
Now, the girlfriend does all.
Now, the girlfriend does all.
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
I probably do more than my share. I own the house, pay most of the bills, and the mortgage. Cooking is usually one person cooks the other cleans. I don't do the laundry. There's one adult child living here (mine) who doesn't do much to help out. Im not one to sit around and do nothing though. So sometimes i just do something to make sure it gets done whether its my turn or not. I do mow the lawn sometimes, and other outdoor chores. Truth be told i can do it all if i have to.
Achilles
Rock Star
- Messages
- 4,972
This deserves an exclamatory curse for emphasis.
"I can fucking do it all if I have to!"
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
Yes...and I have.
norminal
Rock Star
- Messages
- 5,491
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
And im good either way.
I provide our income, and she does all the chores. Even if it's something she can't do, She arranges for it to be taken care of by a professional.
We don't have kids, so at the end of the day, I work over 40 hours a week running a business, and he works about 25 hours a week running a household. When I come home from work, dinner is served. We eat, and then she takes care of the dishes while I take a shower. Then we enjoy the rest of the evening together unless I'm doing something with my music or she's got plans.
she worked full time as an account manager when I met her, but as I progressed in my career, the extra income she brought to the table wasn't worth the problems it brought to our marriage. Once she hit her 40's, she basically couldn't work a full time job without being in a bad mood 24/7. One day she came home and said she quit her job, and that we would figure it out. Our lives improved somuch when she quit working, that we decided to just have her run the house, instead of going back to work. It's been 3 years, and we'll never look back.
We don't have kids, so at the end of the day, I work over 40 hours a week running a business, and he works about 25 hours a week running a household. When I come home from work, dinner is served. We eat, and then she takes care of the dishes while I take a shower. Then we enjoy the rest of the evening together unless I'm doing something with my music or she's got plans.
she worked full time as an account manager when I met her, but as I progressed in my career, the extra income she brought to the table wasn't worth the problems it brought to our marriage. Once she hit her 40's, she basically couldn't work a full time job without being in a bad mood 24/7. One day she came home and said she quit her job, and that we would figure it out. Our lives improved somuch when she quit working, that we decided to just have her run the house, instead of going back to work. It's been 3 years, and we'll never look back.
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
Sounds like happiness to me.
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
I look at it like this. A dish isn't going to wash itself. But If he doesn't feel like washing it...i will. If neither of use does...screw it. Rinse it off...wash it tomorrow. There's worse things in life to worry about. I cant sweat the small things anymore.
- Messages
- 1,273
You'd also loose the rack and a place to plug "it" in! I think you are making the right decision!!
- Messages
- 6,890
6string_Lydia
Roadie
- Messages
- 366
Lol! I have a dishwasher, hasn't been used in years. And i mean the electric appliance....not me lol.
Similar threads
- likitlikeyoulikeit
- The Water Cooler
