Ok, bad night, who wants to argue?

[Holden Afart]

Divorce problems, amirite?

During our entire relationship we always said we'd discuss anything that bothered us before it got out of hand.

I always did anyway.

Here I am 15 years later wondering what went wrong when suddenly 3 months ago she says she wants to split.

She says "it's just not going to work".

Sounds like a reasonable explanation to offer a loyal spouse after 15 years, right? I mean, you have to consider that there were no arguments, no cheating or beating, no demeaning comments, not even a voice raised between us during that time!

It's a small town so I know that she hasn't replaced me so it's not that she found another. I believe she was as dedicated to our relationship as I was until she gave up or something. She still doesn't have a replacement Fart that I know of and at this point I don't care.

Meh, what do I know? I'm just that asshole Holden Afart.

Just venting, no need for comments.

I hope everything is going well with you.

 

[Sascha Franck]

Get through it well, whatever that might be like for you.

 

[Holden Afart]

Get through it well, whatever that might be like for you.

I've been studying...

 

[DrewJD82]

I went through a similar thing a couple years ago. Together for 15 years and then like a light switch one day she told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to be married. The following 5 years of my life would be a cllusterfuck, 2.5 still with her and the 2.5 after where I unfucked myself from the previous 2.5.

Turns out, borderline personality disorder was playing a large role with my ex, which accounted for the erratic and terrible decisions she started making. Had I known she was being treated for it, it probably would have made things make sense, but she didn’t tell me until after the divorce.

I tell ya though, that was the end of my world when it happened, I lost the only family I ever felt I had, my best friend and 15 years of wonderful memories were turn to spoiled milk I couldn’t think about for a long time. But I’m currently happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I would have been more than happy to stay married, but I also wouldn’t have realized how much I enjoy being alone. I really enjoy living alone. A lot.

While I really wish that 5 year period could have gone differently, I’m also grateful for what it did. It stripped me down to nothing I recognized as being myself and allowed me to rebuild myself with years of experience of what I did and didn’t want in my life or in my head.

Good luck, man. It’s no easy thing to go through. My PM box is always open.

 

[FuzzyAce]

Sorry to hear that. Divorce sucks. Hang in there, and if you ever need to chat my PM is open too.

I've been there. We ended up back together which is pretty rare, and almost 20 yrs total married so I feel blessed. Those few years apart were the hardest in my life though, and my Dad had recently passed too.

 

[la szum]

Divorce problems, amirite?

During our entire relationship we always said we'd discuss anything that bothered us before it got out of hand.

I always did anyway.

Here I am 15 years later wondering what went wrong when suddenly 3 months ago she says she wants to split.

She says "it's just not going to work".

Sounds like a reasonable explanation to offer a loyal spouse after 15 years, right? I mean, you have to consider that there were no arguments, no cheating or beating, no demeaning comments, not even a voice raised between us during that time!

It's a small town so I know that she hasn't replaced me so it's not that she found another. I believe she was as dedicated to our relationship as I was until she gave up or something. She still doesn't have a replacement Fart that I know of and at this point I don't care.

Meh, what do I know? I'm just that asshole Holden Afart.

Just venting, no need for comments.

I hope everything is going well with you.

Fucking fuck!

 

[CBHScott]

I am on marriage #2.

My first one lasted about 2 years, and in retrospect we got married too soon and for all the wrong reasons; however, as painful as the events leading up to and shortly thereafter, it was for the best.

Marriage #2 has been 22 years. Had its ups and downs, but still good.

Hope you find peace with this; it may end up being a blessing.

 

[DrewJD82]

I am on marriage #2.

My first one lasted about 2 years, and in retrospect we got married too soon and for all the wrong reasons; however, as painful as the events leading up to and shortly thereafter, it was for the best.

Marriage #2 has been 22 years. Had its ups and downs, but still good.

Hope you find peace with this; it may end up being a blessing.

The funny thing about this is that I was also only married for 2 years, we waited too long, it was year 13 and it was for what I/we assumed were all the right reasons, we just bought a house, had already had a very successful relationship for a number of years, never fought, no drama, etc.

Ya never know!

 

[Moondog Wily]

Well if you have been holden a fart for 15 years, it will probably be a relief to finally let it out!

In all seriousness, I wish you the best on getting through this, either with or without her. The one thing that is keeping me alive is music ;~)) I played for about 2.5 hours today and will get in another 2 hours or so shortly!

Stay calm in the process as when emotions get heavy, we often say/do things that we would not do if we thought it through a bit! I personally prefer to land on the high ground whenever possible!!

 

[Alex Kenivel]

Ugh. Sorry fartsack, I know first hand how shitty all this is to go through. My first marriage was destined to fail.

We got married too young for all the wrong reasons, having been manipulated by her parents to move across the country. It was either they leave with my son or I marry her and leave with them, so I complied and they deemed me "responsible for my own family" denying us any help because "you married her, you're responsible for her now". My money was gone by the time we arrived in Virginia (6 day drive) in the winter. Little did her parents know they were also getting royally screwed - broken promises from their cult church brethren of a house that turned out to be unfit for living.

We ended up in a small town with no place to live and about zero opportunities for employment. We had to stay with other members of their cult church and live by different sets of twisted rules depending on who's couch we slept on that month. Son gets sick and hospitalized, soon after I do the same. I apply (walking across town pushing a stroller with staples in my gut post surgery) for government assistance and while I was a getting a house, job, and car lined up for my young family, her folks decided to up and leave to another state and my wife wanted to stay with her family. So I ditched all the help, all the hard work from the lovely social worker who had been giving me rides to job interviews, to move along with them and start over AGAIN.

This story gets longer and worse but we ended up flying back to California sans all of my own personal belongings (and without her horrible family), begin to make it on our own until she almost gets abducted while attempting infidelity, ends up losing her shit and attacking me when I disconnect the phone. Ugly custody battle, but my son has been living with me and my second wife for almost 10 years now while my first wife is still struggling to get it together.

You really gotta know someone's crazy before you commit. Without knowing what their crazy is, you don't really know them, and everyone has a crazy - we just need to figure out what that is and whether or not we can live with that said crazy.

 

[DrewJD82]

You really gotta know someone's crazy before you commit. Without knowing what their crazy is, you don't really know them, and everyone has a crazy - we just need to figure out what that is and whether or not we can live with that said crazy.

This is why I hear stuff about couples getting engaged after 6-9 months, or moving in together right away and I’m just like, “Ya’ll are fucking crazy and have no clue what you’re getting yourselves into” ESPECIALLY in their early 20’s when life has barely started and they’re mostly still operating off “Now I gotta start doing all the things I planned in my teens”, which is rarely reflected in reality once you’re on your own.

And then ya never know if things are going to go belly up years down the road. My ex was the most kind hearted, selfless human being I’d ever met for 13 years, once that BPD showed up she did a 180 and there wasn’t another human on the planet I feared more than her. The way she had zero reservations about beating me into submission, forcing my hand in asking for a divorce all because she couldn’t handle the shame of telling her family she fucked up.

It’s of no surprise the last time I saw her in person she couldn’t look me in the face and just about had a nervous breakdown just from seeing me in passing.

 

[JT]

Much much mojo sent to all of those who have struggled. I can't even imagine

 

[dean701]

My true condolences to all that have gone or are going through it. It's the worst thing that I've gone through. It turned me into a miserable prick. I spent my life building capital and a life with someone only to see it whittled away to nothing. Used to have a nice house, now it just angers me when I drive by one. We'll see where it ends.

 

[Warmart]

Not much worse than things like this, my full sympathies for you having to deal with this. Like other's have said, try and be calm, and try to clear your head.

 

[la szum]

Damn.......

 

[JasonE]

I have never had to go through this. There was one point where I thought I was going to but we worked it out. I can only imagine how crappy it is. I have to say that I have been happy being married but it if ended, I am not sure I would do it again. I don't have the energy at this point in life to try to put a life together with another woman with the way people are in our country these days. I can also say that I enjoyed living alone. I find that I really tailor what I do because there is another person in the house. I don't do the things I would probably do if I were here by myself.

I hope things get better for you. I would have trouble understanding why things fall apart after 15 years.