Married Peoples: How do you balance division of chores?

[FuzzyAce]

The vibe of the quoted post

Which one do you mean??

 

[AlbertA]

Which one do you mean??

 

[AlbertA]

We have cats who regularly puke and crap on the floor at night. Adding a Roomba to that mix would just result in the afore mentioned bodily excrements being spread in a thin coating all over our floors.

Get one of these: https://www.dreametech.com/products/dreame-x30-ultra

 

[likitlikeyoulikeit]

It's simple.

Wife's nightly chore is to bring in birdfeeders.

At the beginning of the month she does our shopping trip. I hate people-ing, especially shopping. So she does that, so I don't have to.
She says it's better for her this way anyway, I agree.

So tonight, while she sleeps away foot pain, I bring in the feeders and do her night time chores, with no complaints.

I think that in this lays the secret to a satisfying marriage. Appreciate the ones around you, and they will appreciate you.

It's all a partnership, and we are a team. Us against the world ..and chores.

I do dishes, she does dishes, shit ..the dog does dishes! We both do laundry, and we both clean.....she would help with the lawn chores, but I don't like repairing machines that much!

We try not to look at them like chores in the first place, we would have to do it if we were single anyway. At least this way we split the load ...so to speak.

 

[6string_Lydia]

Seriously . I just made a deal....my boyfriend said he'd paint my toenails if id do the dishes and some other chores now my toes look like a a 3 year old painted them. He's such a con artist lol.

 

[mrchevy]

For several years now, my wife and I have divided chores such that the number of items on each person's list is approximately the same. While that looks good on paper, I do not believe that this is a particularly fair method. Many of the chores that I have been assigned require more time to complete, are more physically demanding, and must be completed with greater frequency. I can confidently state that an hour for hour comparison of our time spent on chores would show that I spend more time per week on chores than she does.

Before we had a kid and we both worked, the imbalance didn't bother me much because I still had ample free time. Now it feels pretty imbalanced especially considering that my wife no longer has a paying job. She stays at home to care for our son while I work a M-F job that pays the bills. Neither of us wanted kids when we married, so quitting her job to stay at home with a kid has been a big sacrifice. Its not like I don't help with child care either. I am responsible for all child care between the hours of 6 pm to 6:30 am. While it is true that our son is asleep for most of those hours, she gets to sleep through the night uninterrupted while I handle any night time waking.

Earlier this week we ended up having a heated discussion around the division of labor in our house. My wife accused me of treating her as though her time was not valuable and strongly implied (although did not outright state) that her share of the work is is unfairly burdensome. I was kind of shocked considering how I perceive the situation. I had actually been considering broaching the same topic to ask her to take on a few of my chores since she is home all day now. The conversation didn't lead to any changes to our respective responsibilities, but it was eye opening to hear her perspective.

I noticed that she is currently reading the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. From what I have been able to ascertain in the bit of time I've spent to get a synopsis of the book, it is specifically marketed to women to provide them with a game plan to help them unload some of their responsibilities onto the man in their life. I anticipate that she will be revisiting the division of labor topic with me in the coming days.

How do you fine peoples go about balancing the chores in your relationships?

I've always been a real go-getter. I put my wife to work, and then I go get her. I usually try to pick her up early enough so she's not too tired to do the chores when she gets home. We've been married 28 years.

 

[FuzzyAce]

Seriously . I just made a deal....my boyfriend said he'd paint my toenails if id do the dishes and some other chores now my toes look like a a 3 year old painted them. He's such a con artist lol.

You should have known better!
My wife said I could paint hers haha.

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

Seriously . I just made a deal....my boyfriend said he'd paint my toenails if id do the dishes and some other chores now my toes look like a a 3 year old painted them. He's such a con artist lol.

​

 

[jaxadam]

It’s all about kind over matter…. If she don’t mind, it don’t matter!

 

[Diary Of An Axeman]

If she cooks, I do the dishes. Week ends I order food or cook.
We split the bills 50/50 ....28 years of that mode of doing things and it's working.

 

[mercifulfuzziness]

I am the machine gun. She is the sniper.

So, I just make sure all the big stuff is done where no thinking is required. She cleans and does most of the detailed stuff.

Simple example: All the washing and putting it in the dryer / hanging it up.. is on me. She folds it all, and puts it nicely in the closet.
I do a the dishes in the dishwasher. She cleans the kitchen.

Etc.

 

[dcburn]

I do pretty well for myself, but wife owns her own company and easily doubles what I earn.

Still, I guess I run a pretty chauvinist house at times?

Theres woman work and theres men work.

I do all repairs and most of any remodeling we want to do.
I install each and every appliance.
Stupid stuff like furnace filters.
Pump the basement out a number of times a year.
I mow our seven acres as well as trailer to her folks and mow their lawn.
I plow our two driveways and large parking areas.
I plow her parents.
I just rebuilt her fathers snowblower.

I help out with laundry and dishes because its easy and I dont have to think much.

Wife cleans house.
Takes care of pets and children.
Empties kitty litter box.
Chauffers children.
Does PTA stuff.
Doesnt give me shit about guitar or bike gear.

 

[dcburn]

I am the machine gun. She is the sniper.

I love that!

 

[mercifulfuzziness]

I love that!

:) thanks, works really well for us.

Another example: she does most of the administrative stuff, I take the paper to the paper container outside

 

[dcburn]

:) thanks, works really well for us.

Another example: she does most of the administrative stuff, I take the paper to the paper container outside

Administrative, phone calls and being on hold my wife takes care of.
Im not good when you finally need to call about something and dealing with some Indian person...

 

[mercifulfuzziness]

Administrative, phone calls and being on hold my wife takes care of.
Im not good when you finally need to call about something and dealing with some Indian person...

I am the one who needs to make the calls when it will become a more bad-news type of call. So, a delivery that was promised on X and not there? Then I am there.

She also leaves when the negotiation in a store starts. She finds that very uncomfortable. But what I find uncomfortable is having to deal with the parents of other children. So that is she again lol

 

[dcburn]

But what I find uncomfortable is having to deal with the parents of other children.

That can be tough.
I coached Vince Lombardi football years ago when my kids played.
Parents were the worst part.

 

[mercifulfuzziness]

That can be tough.
I coached Vince Lombardi football years ago when my kids played.
Parents were the worst part.

It's freakin' amazing to me how the schoolyard.. is just like the schoolyard when we where kids. With the cool moms. The cool dads. The nerds. That mom does not like that mom. Etc.

 

[the swede]

For several years now, my wife and I have divided chores such that the number of items on each person's list is approximately the same. While that looks good on paper, I do not believe that this is a particularly fair method. Many of the chores that I have been assigned require more time to complete, are more physically demanding, and must be completed with greater frequency. I can confidently state that an hour for hour comparison of our time spent on chores would show that I spend more time per week on chores than she does.

Before we had a kid and we both worked, the imbalance didn't bother me much because I still had ample free time. Now it feels pretty imbalanced especially considering that my wife no longer has a paying job. She stays at home to care for our son while I work a M-F job that pays the bills. Neither of us wanted kids when we married, so quitting her job to stay at home with a kid has been a big sacrifice. Its not like I don't help with child care either. I am responsible for all child care between the hours of 6 pm to 6:30 am. While it is true that our son is asleep for most of those hours, she gets to sleep through the night uninterrupted while I handle any night time waking.

Earlier this week we ended up having a heated discussion around the division of labor in our house. My wife accused me of treating her as though her time was not valuable and strongly implied (although did not outright state) that her share of the work is is unfairly burdensome. I was kind of shocked considering how I perceive the situation. I had actually been considering broaching the same topic to ask her to take on a few of my chores since she is home all day now. The conversation didn't lead to any changes to our respective responsibilities, but it was eye opening to hear her perspective.

I noticed that she is currently reading the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. From what I have been able to ascertain in the bit of time I've spent to get a synopsis of the book, it is specifically marketed to women to provide them with a game plan to help them unload some of their responsibilities onto the man in their life. I anticipate that she will be revisiting the division of labor topic with me in the coming days.

How do you fine peoples go about balancing the chores in your relationships?

Kids came and destroyed everything we thought we had under control, made us realize we’re stupid and someone should really start a licensing branch under gov control that gives out permissions to get kids. If you fail the tests, you shouldn’t have kids.

The world absolutely needs that!

Think you’re mature and all grown up. Nope.

Anyhow… I’m being a little sarcastic…
We don’t divide or make rules between us. We have realized after a long marriage and life lessons that we need to help each other, we are two in this game.

It’s not her chores or my chores. It’s our chores. There are things that she is better than me at doing, and vice versa. I wouldn’t force her to change the tires on the car for winter… as an example, but she can def help me out and she does. And I help her with stuff that stereotypically is considered “no for men” (if you’d ask someone born 1930 or something).

We help each other plain and simple, and we don’t draw lines like “you have to do that” and “no that’s my work”.

This works for us. And we try to get the kids into it as much as possible.

 

[the swede]

It's freakin' amazing to me how the schoolyard.. is just like the schoolyard when we where kids. With the cool moms. The cool dads. The nerds. That mom does not like that mom. Etc.

This was a fucking trauma for me… seriously. I don’t kid. I was so damn naive during our small children period, think all good about other parents. They’re adults aren’t they, they have children and they’re responsible and they’re intelligent and stuff.

Nope… then the hard truth catches up and you realize that certain parents are real asholes and idiots, and it’s so damn scary to find out. I have seriously become really sad about it several times. It gets to me really.