- Messages
- 11,208
Yum.
Pics like these make me want to indulge again. Then I remember all the panic attacks and bad vibes it gave me. Took me years to quit, like I'd never learn that it's not for me.
Even a couple puffs would make me stumble over the doorsill when "entering" a high, usually followed by an hour-long rollercoaster ride in the ghost train.
(disclaimer: exaggerated depiction, it wasn't psych-ward level stuff, mainly REALLY bad thoughts and horrid future expectations, overwhelming feelings of insecurity, and general nervousness, fast heartbeat, etc)
Not sure why, I guess my brain is just wired a little differently?
The first couple years were fine though, but discovering bong hits (and probably laced sh*t) destroyed that after a while.
But alcohol doesn't make me panic, luckily. Even rough amounts.
This used to happen to me a lot and for a good 10 years. What I ultimately found was that it was forcing me to focus on the things I was slacking on, but with 50x more anxiety than anyone should really have. Every single time I would sit there and dwell on the things I didn't get done at work or some issue that was going on, no matter how big or small. So I started hitting those exact things I'd get panicky about and once I got to a point where everything was resolved/done/complete, I was good to go again.
Now I use it to keep me in check. So many times at night I'll partake and then a laundry list of things to do at work fly through my head, so I just write 'em down and bang 'em out the next day. If the only way I can enjoy it is by being productive and getting shit done, that's not a bad thing!