Official Original (LOL) Funny Picture Thread! \m/

[mavrick102000]

 

[Los-D]

 

[mavrick102000]

 

[mavrick102000]

 

[TSJMajesty]

OK, this is not a picture, but it is F'in hilarious IMO!

David Attenborough
I can not shop at Costco anymore :-)))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

Dude, I was all prepared to end up writing something like, "Well, I guess our sense of humor is just different," BUT I WAS WRONG!! Fm, I laughed sf hard at the fire hydrant, I'm still chuckling as I type. Well done!

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

Dude, I was all prepared to end up writing something like, "Well, I guess our sense of humor is just different," BUT I WAS WRONG!! Fm, I laughed sf hard at the fire hydrant, I'm still chuckling as I type. Well done!

Yeah, it is a pretty long set up, but it delivers! And if you know his voice and apply that IR while listening, it takes it up a notch!! Glad we can see joke to joke!!!

 

[JiveTurkey]

 

[TSJMajesty]

View attachment 39894

Damn! 3 of these past few made me laugh my ass off!

This, Moondog's story, and the dude at Subway.

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

Bonnie Tyler (original singer of "Total Eclipse Of the Heart") has a new business card:

​

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

Damn! 3 of these past few made me laugh my ass off!

This, Moondog's story, and the dude at Subway.

To be clear though, I did not make that up. That is David Attenborough (narrator of many famous BBC and nature oriented video pieces and a huge part of BBC) ;~)) Glad you are rollin' though, laughter is never a bad thing IMO!!

 

[JiveTurkey]

Bonnie Tyler (original singer of "Total Eclipse Of the Heart") has a new business card:

View attachment 39895





​

I sang this out loud

 

[Frodebro]

I sang this out loud

I think we’re about the same age, that song was burned into both of our brains.

 

[JiveTurkey]

I think we’re about the same age, that song was burned into both of our brains.

I've been pestering the band to add it forever

 

[Frodebro]

I've been pestering the band to add it forever

That whole era- the transitional period between listening to my parents music and finding my own..

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

I've been pestering the band to add it forever

So picture this! A band made up of grandpas. The lead singer has his microphone attached to his walker. The guitar player lay in a hospital bed with IV's in both arms. He is propped up nicely for good playing position. The bass player is wearing an oxygen mask and occasionally reaching for the valve to get a bump. The drummer has a giant magnification screen in front of him so he can see the drums properly and oversized sticks so he can reach the stuff he used to be able to hit when he was younger. They get done doing the parody of this song, including that final line ("I totally shit when I fart") in shaky old man voice, and then you hear this juicy fart come out of the lead singers ass! The band all looks at him and then he yells "Honey, I got some fresh laundry that needs doin'"!

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

So picture this! A band made up of grandpas. The lead singer has his microphone attached to his walker. The guitar player lay in a hospital bed with IV's in both arms. He is propped up nicely for good playing position. The bass player is wearing an oxygen mask and occasionally reaching for the valve to get a bump. The drummer has a giant magnification screen in front of him so he can see the drums properly and oversized sticks so he can reach the stuff he used to be able to hit when he was younger. They get done doing the parody of this song, including that final line ("I totally shit when I fart") in shaky old man voice, and then you hear this juicy fart come out of the lead singers ass! The band all looks at him and then he yells "Honey, I got some fresh laundry that needs doin'"!

OK, and here is the parody of the Bonnie Taylor song if you want to add it to the set list @JiveTurkey (modify as necessary and if the band can't get behind this, there may be a present down below as Mr. Hanky would say):

Tonally Blips Of The Shart (parody) by Moondog Wily
(orig = Total Eclipse Of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler)

Key:     A#m

[Verse 1]
Am                                         G
(On the ground) Every now and then I can not get up, and the nurse ain't coming round
Am                                         G
(On the ground) Every now and then I get a little bit tired of livin' out all of my fears
C                                          Bb
(On the ground) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all
the years have gone by
C                                          Bb
(On the ground) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and when I see the look in doctors eyes
Eb            Ab
(On the ground, I cried) Every day and night I have shart
Eb            Ab                                      G
(On the ground, I cried) Every day and night I have shart

[Chorus]
      Em              C            D                  G
And I need my meds, tonight, and I need them more than ever
           Em           C              D             G
And if they'd only make me right I'd be holding on forever
          Em                C                  D
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
  C                            D
Together we can take it to the end of the line
     Em                          A
Your drugs are like a shadow on me all of the time
  G                             D
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
      Em                         A
We're living in a nursing home and giving off sharts
                     G        D/F#         G       C
I really peed tonight, depends are gonna work tonight
   D
Depends are gonna work tonight

G                      Em                  B7                    C      C/D
Once upon a time I was healthy and young but now my bodies falling apart
        Am                  D                    G    Em   C   D
There's nothing I can do, I totally shit when I fart
G                          Em                   B7                           C     C/D
Once upon a time there was shite in my tights but now there's only blood in my farts
Am                   D                    G    Em   C   D   G
Nothing I can say, I totally shit when I fart

[Instrumental]
Am  G  Am  G
C  Bb  C  Bb

[Verse 2]
Eb            Ab
(On the ground, I cried) Every day and night I have shart
Eb            Ab                                      G
(On the ground, I cried) Every day and night I have shart

[Chorus]
      Em              C            D                  G
And I need my meds, tonight, and I need them more than ever
           Em           C              D             G
And if they'd only make me right I'd be holding on forever
          Em                C                  D
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
  C                            D
Together we can take it to the end of the line
     Em                          A
Your drugs are like a shadow on me all of the time
  G                             D
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
      Em                         A
We're living in a nursing home and giving off sharts
                     G        D/F#         G       C
I really peed tonight, depends are gonna work tonight
   D
Depends are gonna work tonight

[Outro]
G                      Em                  B7                    C     C/D
Once upon a time I was healthy and young but now my bodies falling apart
Am                   D                    G    Em   C
There's nothing I can say, I totally shit when I fart
  D                    G    Em   C
I totally shit when I fart
  D                    G    Em   C
They're startin' to call me old shart

 

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