The benefit of being nice

DrewJD82

Moderator
Staff member
Messages
8,718
I’m sure most reading this have read me griping about work kicking my ass lately, my attitude has certainly suffered as a result and when I don’t give myself a proper break from work, I turn into a f*cking basketcase. Something I learned during my divorce was how uplifting it can be to just be nice or helpful to someone. I was at the lowest point of my life and was barely able to maintain the mental energy to get through a single day and at one point, in a desperate attempt to just feel good for even just a minute, I started going out of my way to be helpful to people, whether they asked for help or not.

This past weekend I was determined to get back to work in a better mood because I don’t like being a little bitch. As soon as I rolled in on Monday I was already drained as I was getting texts and phone calls from an impatient tenant, looking for information I already gave her. My mood dropped immediately and it had seemed like I already failed at my goal before the day even started. As I walked into the lobby to go to my office, I saw a woman with her kids trying to use the directory, it’s not a big building and I could tell she was having a rough time, so I asked her where she was going then got her and her kids in the elevator and walked them to the office they needed to go to. Just that little thing changed my entire mood around and reset my morning.

It doesn’t even have to be a big thing, that took me all of 20 seconds and changed my entire demeanor. It’s impossible to feel angry when you’re doing something nice for someone (unless you’re doing it for the wrong reasons). And even if that person is ungrateful, that shouldn’t take away from the knowing that you went out of your way to do something nice for someone. Sure, it’s self-serving in that I’m doing it to put me in a better mood, but I figure if someone is getting some kind of assistance out of it or I can make someone’s day a little easier, it’s not all that bad.

You’d think with a job that literally fixes people’s problems would be self-fullfilling, but it doesn’t work out that way. :rofl Fortunately, there’s always someone around me that could use some kind of assistance and once I start, I have a hard time stopping. Yesterday to chill myself out I just walked into every lobby on the campus and looked for people trying to figure out where they were going, or randomly walking up to the cleaners and helping them carry boxes or trash out to the dumpster, or just did some surprise visits in tenant’s suites to see how they’re doing if I hadn’t heard from them in a while.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the day to day and forget that doing this feels as good as it does. They’re no life changing acts, but the process itself can be life changing if you happen to constantly battle anger like I have for the majority of my life. I’ve often viewed anger as an unwelcome guest kicking up it’s feet in my home, so it’s nice having a way to kick the f*cker out and maybe this can help someone here get through their day a little better.
 
Always be nice first. Always. And when others aren't nice in return, blow them off. Mostly works :grin

The appreciative people always separate themselves from those that are not. Keep being nice and blow off everyone else. Maybe they'll get the message - some WILL NEVER get the message, because they are more important than everyone else.
 
Hahahaha now let’s see how long I can maintain this because after the debacle at my apartment with the property management trying to claim my AC was leaking into another apartment and having 2 licensed AC techs confirm it wasn’t my AC, they‘re now sending a plumber to go through my apartment. THE F*CKING LEAK IS OCCURRING IN THE APARTMENT NEXT TO ME, this is absurd!

At this point I feel like they’re trying to pin something on me, which is odd because they’re not even my landlord. The apartments are individually owned and property management just maintains them, so they‘re not even in control of the situation if they wanted to get another tenant in.

I have the feeling I’m going to be doing lots of nice things when I get back. This is the third time I’ve had to leave my job, without notice, because they want to enter my apartment over a leak that is very clearly occurring next to my apartment. My neighbors toilet is *DIRECTLY ABOVE THE LEAK*.

Edit- I did not contain my composure when they came. I flipped out on the maintenance man after he told me it was my fault they were there because I did not accept responsibility for the leak when it first occurred. Long story short, I was right. It’s coming from my neighbor’s toilet. Problem solved.

But I got to make up for my blowup when my boss called me from the parking garage she fell down in, she’s like a mother to me so when I hauled ass to her and saw blood pouring from her head I almost had a heart attack. She’s ok, just went right down on her head (no signs of a concussion) and twisted her ankle pretty bad. Tripped on a single piece of f*cking mulch.
 
Last edited:
Great post and true words.

However, there are many people out there that you can't do enough for and they just never are happy or satisfied and most of all never thankful.

I just laugh at them and move on.

For sure and those are the ones who generally get me riled up. Like my marriage, I know if I put 100% of my effort into something and it still falls apart or doesn’t work, it’s not on me and I can still hold my head up high.

And really, it all goes back to treating people precisely how you want to be treated because like the above, if you truly do that, then you can never really fault yourself for something not working out.
 
I think it's also important to reflect on why something or somebody made you angry and figure out how you can control those emotions in the future. It's just not worth road raging, getting mad at any perceived slight or having your day ruined because something didn't go your way. It's still fine to feel angry about it but there's a lot of asshole people in the world and you only have control over how you react to them.
 
Totally agree. I think that its really important to be grateful for all the things you have, even though life may never seem perfect, a lot us including me won the birth lottery when you really think about it. I think that sort of mindset will lead you to being nice which is kinda a mental cycle that keeps your head in a good place.
 
I think it's also important to reflect on why something or somebody made you angry and figure out how you can control those emotions in the future. It's just not worth road raging, getting mad at any perceived slight or having your day ruined because something didn't go your way. It's still fine to feel angry about it but there's a lot of a*****e people in the world and you only have control over how you react to them.

This has pretty much been a work in progress for the last 16 years for me. I used to have some rather irrational anger issues and it was pointed out to me that I was using anger to manipulate situations and then I went down a whole self-help/discovery/be better path. These days I’m pretty good about it, working with the general public in restaurants was excellent training because you never know what you’re going to get and people‘s behavior when food is involved is really something else.

About 2-3 weeks ago, when I was already past the point of burn out and my staff started acting like children I was talking to my boss and she basically said the same thing you did in your post, like it was going to take me months to figure out why I’d get so angry or down about things here at work and I already knew the answer; when work is piling in on me I fear I won’t be able to get it all done in a timely manner and ultimately fail at doing my job properly. My position comes with a target on it’s back just due to the nature of the job, so at any given point, someone is pointing a finger at my to make themselves look better and it can be extremely challenging to let stuff like that go. I’m basically a test subject for hiring someone for the Chief Engineer position with zero previous experience, while I’ve lasted longer than any Chief here previously, the imposter syndrome + bullseye on my back + unsupportive staff + work piling in = stressed the f*ck out Drew. :rofl

You’re spot on, though. Understanding the root of an angry reaction is the first step in ridding yourself of it. In the case of the maintenance guy yesterday, I was going to be on the hook for a couple thousand dollars worth of damages and this guy was trying to pin it on me without proof while ignoring the input of 3 professionals. I was accommodating and calm for 7 days until it became apparent this guy was incapable of admitting he was wrong, being calm and nice was clearly not how the situation was going to be resolved because nothing changed until I lit the guy up. When I do flip out and it was uncalled for, I feel guilty as hell about it the day after. Today I just want to go yell at the dude again. :ROFLMAO:
 
I’m sure most reading this have read me griping about work kicking my ass lately, my attitude has certainly suffered as a result and when I don’t give myself a proper break from work, I turn into a f*cking basketcase. Something I learned during my divorce was how uplifting it can be to just be nice or helpful to someone. I was at the lowest point of my life and was barely able to maintain the mental energy to get through a single day and at one point, in a desperate attempt to just feel good for even just a minute, I started going out of my way to be helpful to people, whether they asked for help or not.

This past weekend I was determined to get back to work in a better mood because I don’t like being a little b*tch. As soon as I rolled in on Monday I was already drained as I was getting texts and phone calls from an impatient tenant, looking for information I already gave her. My mood dropped immediately and it had seemed like I already failed at my goal before the day even started. As I walked into the lobby to go to my office, I saw a woman with her kids trying to use the directory, it’s not a big building and I could tell she was having a rough time, so I asked her where she was going then got her and her kids in the elevator and walked them to the office they needed to go to. Just that little thing changed my entire mood around and reset my morning.

It doesn’t even have to be a big thing, that took me all of 20 seconds and changed my entire demeanor. It’s impossible to feel angry when you’re doing something nice for someone (unless you’re doing it for the wrong reasons). And even if that person is ungrateful, that shouldn’t take away from the knowing that you went out of your way to do something nice for someone. Sure, it’s self-serving in that I’m doing it to put me in a better mood, but I figure if someone is getting some kind of assistance out of it or I can make someone’s day a little easier, it’s not all that bad.

You’d think with a job that literally fixes people’s problems would be self-fullfilling, but it doesn’t work out that way. :rofl Fortunately, there’s always someone around me that could use some kind of assistance and once I start, I have a hard time stopping. Yesterday to chill myself out I just walked into every lobby on the campus and looked for people trying to figure out where they were going, or randomly walking up to the cleaners and helping them carry boxes or trash out to the dumpster, or just did some surprise visits in tenant’s suites to see how they’re doing if I hadn’t heard from them in a while.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the day to day and forget that doing this feels as good as it does. They’re no life changing acts, but the process itself can be life changing if you happen to constantly battle anger like I have for the majority of my life. I’ve often viewed anger as an unwelcome guest kicking up it’s feet in my home, so it’s nice having a way to kick the f*cker out and maybe this can help someone here get through their day a little better.

It takes so much energy to be a prick. I’ll never understand how and why people can be so damn miserable. Anyone can have a bad day, but this is some peoples demeanor. It’s who they are.


I used to be this way, being nice and all.


Then New York City happened.


I’ll be nice next year when I’m the hell out of here. Nice New Yorkers get eaten alive. Just turn on the news.


funny work story today. we are insanely short handed here. We also have compulsory overtime. If you dont take it strategically you’ll end up working hours you’d rather not. I had a 3p-11p shift and was stuck until 7am. I was booked for 11A overtime because I dont want to be here until 7AM AGAIN. I knocked out in the office here with my door locked for a couple hours. Rolled down to the desk area to see my assignment and the boss said I looked homeless lol. I kinda blew a gasket and told him I AM homeless because I live HERE now. I feel bad for getting snippy, hes a good dude and easy going. I’m normally very jokeable but I really dont want to be working like this. I need to do something nice for this guy this weekend here.
 
Great post and true words.

However, there are many people out there that you can't do enough for and they just never are happy or satisfied and most of all never thankful.

I just laugh at them and move on.

I see you’ve met half my family and many former band mates of mine. Small world.
 
I am generally nice by nature but I have a short fuse most days. I have grown a bit cynical on some topics and remain an eternal optimist on others. Being an ADHD, Bipolar, Triple Gemini who had a brain injury in his teens can be a challenge to not murder the same person I was just laughing it up with. LOL
 
I am generally nice by nature but I have a short fuse most days. I have grown a bit cynical on some topics and remain an eternal optimist on others. Being an ADHD, Bipolar, Triple Gemini who had a brain injury in his teens can be a challenge to not murder the same person I was just laughing it up with. LOL
You sound a lot like me, Bob. Except the brain injury!! Unless you count the drugs

 
Back
Top