Here’s what I do:
I choose my 2 reference devices…those represent “the truth”, that’s what I dial my sounds on. If I don’t do that…I’ll go mad, keep dialing forever..counterproductive.
I use studio reference monitors for my cabsimmed sounds, and my fav tube powersection/cab for my stage sound.
I’m fully aware that PA/volume might require something different then reference monitors…but that’s something you do at the gig, at the desk…use of reference monitors give you the best middleground as a startingpoint.
I find a cabsim that matches my real cab as close as possible…and I apply that for all my sounds to foh.
Then I’ll dial in my sounds going back and forth between the 2 reference systems, play along with some tracks, use reference audio recordings for the cabsimmed sounds…at the end of which I have sounds that work on both my studio monitors, as well as my amp.
Then at the gig/rehearsal …offcourse everything is different…that’s how it works
First…I dial the global eq to compensate for the situation…if I monitor on cabs…I’ll leave cabsimmed sound alone…I assume there I did my homework right, and that the soundguy is capable.
Usually it’s “at good as it gets in the situation” then…if I need to do something in specific presets, I’ll make the change (assuming it works for foh)…and make a mental note to evaluate the change on my reference systems.
By doing so, I prioritize my monitor sound…but that’s all you can control. Hearing what the audience hears is an illusion..never gonna happen…and its irrelevant when you did your homework right, and you gave the soundguy something good to work with.
I put stage sound first cause thats my responsibility, and a requirement for the band to perform its best. maybe cause I play improvised music it weighs a little bit more, but I also believe it to be true for other styles. For foh…you do the best you can before the gig…but then it’s up to the tech.