Just so we’re clear (satire)

[Desertdweller]

MESA/ENGI-BOOGIE® PRODUCT GUIDE

Welcome to Tone Beyond Reason, where treble is gain, gain is life and the mid knob is pure placebo.

At Mesa Engi-Boogie, we believe clarity is for cowards. That’s why our amp lineup has all the consistency of a conspiracy theory on a corkboard.

THE MARK SERIES
For when you want IIC tone, but you bought a VII, so you use IV in a V because II was in the Triaxis. We called it "Yellow." Obviously.

• Mark I: The beginning. Classic, raw, unfiltered, unplayable under 100 decibels. The amp equivalent of drinking gasoline straight off the Fender and liking it.
• Mark II: We tried to fix it.
• Mark IIC+ Reissue: So far above average we gave it a C+. Incredible amounts of gain and expensive enough to qualify in divorce proceedings. The greatest amplifier ever made until 6 months later when…
• Mark IIC++ (Limited Influencer Edition): Even more incredible amounts of gain! Why spend $3500 once when you can spend it twice? Only available in 3 states up until yesterday when we announced it, requires 2 references, a pouty Youtube thumbnail, verified Discord server, and a sacrificial EL84 amp burned at the altar of tone. Marshalls preferred for sacrifice as they generally come pre-engulfed in flames.
• Mark III: Exists.
• Mark IV: What could have been a great amp tragically cursed with only Mark IV mode.
• Mark V: Includes modes IIC, IV, I, Clean (in two variants, Fat and Keto) and “Xtreme,” because nothing screams wall-punching tone like re-branding to sound like an energy drink.
• Mark VI: Accidentally created a portal to another dimension entirely made of amp clones. John Petrucci helped us open the portal, we heard “KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” from the other side in a frequency only dogs, the guy that does the null test graphs on TheGearForum.com, and those guy playing fake sped-up acoustic guitar licks on Insta can hear. Tossed the prototype in and slammed the portal shut. We don’t talk about it, though now we’re hearing scientists say we might be living in a black hole. We’re sure it’s unrelated.
• Mark VII: The mode-verlode! Now with so many modes - IIB, not IIB, YoRHa 2B, IIC, II Notes, Doritos Crunchwrap Supreme, and VII modes. No pluses, straight letter grades, and be happy we didn’t include a minus.
• THE JP2C – The holy grail of first-attempt reissues. Features not one but two IIC+ modes. Neither actually sounds like a IIC+, but it doesn’t matter because your sweep picking isn’t clean enough to notice. Built-in shred mode is as exciting as your phone’s airplane mode. Now with two scoops of 750Hz for your zero-ing out pleasure.
• TRIAXIS Reissue - A preamp so complex, NASA won’t touch it. Jodie Foster prefers Eventides anyway. Includes Mark I through IV, plus phat Recto and some odd vintage modes for that extra touch of "what the hell do I set this to?" The front panel co-designed by Delorean and Dodge automotive for durability and longevity.
  (hahahah jk! why would we ever reissue the Triaxis, we only sold like 30k of them)

RECTIFIER SERIES
Because the hell with subtlety.

• Modern Multi-Watt Rectifier: Like the linebackers they were named after, JJ and TJ. Thick, heavy, with a broken scapula and on the IR.
• ‘90s Rectifier Reissue: Because modern Rectifiers weren’t vintage enough to be so damn modern.
• Recto-Verb / Trem-o-Verb: When your distortion gives you depression only a 25 lb reverb tank can solve.
• Road King: “I pick things up and I put them down”
• Badlander: Named after… Carlsbad? Really?

UPCOMING FOR 2026: THE BALLBUSTER MESA TRIPLE KING QUADAXIS MARK VIII² +++~~1C ™

MESA/ENGI-BOOGIE: We don’t just build amps. We build myths.
(And possibly a cult.)

 

[HomespunEffects]

This is wonderful!

 

[la szum]

Brilliant!

God's honest truth here, DD. It took me many years of building my skills as a
player to truly appreciate Mesa Boogies. When I did, there was no looking back.

Marshall and Mesa are 1A and 1B for me. Not saying which one is A and
which is B.

Fuck, I'll put iconic Fenders from 1955 to 1975 in that group, too.

 

[EOengineer]

You really need separate entries for the IIA, IIB, and IIC, IIC+, and IIC+ just to highlight the absurdity that was Mesa trying to settle on a final resting place for that circuit.

Otherwise, well done!

 

[laxu]

Meanwhile, in the basement of the Mesa-Boogie HQ:

"So I made this thing called TransAtlantic! It evokes the vibe of monster trucks and John Deere tractors that every guitarist has been yearning for all these years! I even made it a really compact box so any repair requires a complete disassembly of the amp to atomic level!"

 

[sleewell]

• Mark III: Exists.

 

[Warmart]

Wait, what? I thought this shit was for real and then you go and change the title.

 

[Chocol8]

I am holding out for the Ballbuster IIe++ that will add 24 or more graphic EQ sliders so I can almost but not quite nail the Mark I-VIII tones with it.

 

[AlbertA]

View attachment 48793

No graphic EQs no sale

 

[Allexi]

@Desertdweller Gain is BASS on Rectos

 

[mbenigni]

...requires 2 references...

 

[mbenigni]

This is wonderful!

Best thing since Modeler Wars. No, I think this might be even better.

Now do Marshall's insane code naming scheme.

 

[mbenigni]

Meanwhile, in the basement of the Mesa-Boogie HQ:

"So I made this thing called TransAtlantic! It evokes the vibe of monster trucks and John Deere tractors that every guitarist has been yearning for all these years! I even made it a really compact box so any repair requires a complete disassembly of the amp to atomic level!"

With so many fun monster truck/ John Deere tractor features, like a hair trigger push-pull that defeats the Master Volume on channel 1. On push, no less.

 

[la szum]

Meanwhile, in the basement of the Mesa-Boogie HQ:

"So I made this thing called TransAtlantic! It evokes the vibe of monster trucks and John Deere tractors that every guitarist has been yearning for all these years! I even made it a really compact box so any repair requires a complete disassembly of the amp to atomic level!"

I love that amp. Hard.

 

[Desertdweller]