I have the strongest urge to call it a day on being in bands

[Bob Zaod]

Long story short, so many things lately have soured me on wanting to stay doing the whole band/gigging thing. Especially in the region I am in now. So much time and labor for so little reward. I really love being in a tight band. It's like a drug to me.

My intuition and gut (same thing I guess) are telling me, no screaming at me to either hang it up, or take an extended break. Thing is I have quite a bit of stuff lined up this year already and would hate to break those obligations. I noticed last night at a rehearsal that my patience for certain things has worn so thin that I am snapping at people and calling rehearsal early and I am losing motivation.

I don't enjoy it any more. it's that simple. I guess what I will do is halt new bookings and just play the string out and revisit my feelings after that.

 

[fretworn]

MIDI

 

[JiveTurkey]

Take a break. Nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[DrewJD82]

Yeah, when ya know, ya know.

Just like relationships, so many people stick in bands because it’s just what they’ve done for so long it’s their thing and I know I was well over it by the time I actually quit the last original band I was in and it was just short of ruining friendships, I’m very, very glad I pulled the plug before it got to that. I believe I actually cited that when I let them know.

When things are good, the small issues don’t even seem like issues or they’re easily resolved. But once you lose the motivation to participate, big or small, an issue is an issue and they don’t go away.

 

[mbenigni]

I keep trying to tell myself I've been on an extended break of 7 or 8 years, but realistically... I've probably hung it up.

 

[la szum]

Long story short, so many things lately have soured me on wanting to stay doing the whole band/gigging thing. Especially in the region I am in now. So much time and labor for so little reward. I really love being in a tight band. It's like a drug to me.

My intuition and gut (same thing I guess) are telling me, no screaming at me to either hang it up, or take an extended break. Thing is I have quite a bit of stuff lined up this year already and would hate to break those obligations. I noticed last night at a rehearsal that my patience for certain things has worn so thin that I am snapping at people and calling rehearsal early and I am losing motivation.

I don't enjoy it any more. it's that simple. I guess what I will do is halt new bookings and just play the string out and revisit my feelings after that.

When the fun goes it is time to cash in the chips.... unless you can find a way to hit that
manual reset button.

Was just talking with a bandmate on the phone about this today. He said the same thing. We
have rehearsal tonight. I can see a point when we just don't want to do it, and with every passing
day that point gets closer and closer. Ends are inevitable in life. Just a matter of how long
we can put them off, and if we want to.
Good luck!

 

[la szum]

Funny thing is I kind of enjoy it more than ever----because I know the days are numbered. Each time I
get together with people it could be the last, so I try to appreciate it--a lot!

Bandmate I mentioned is wired a little tighter than I am and we rehearse at his place, so he gets a bit
more tense and uppity about it all. Maybe rightly so.

 

[JiveTurkey]

Funny thing is I kind of enjoy it more than ever----because I know the days are numbered. Each time I
get together with people it could be the last, so I try to appreciate it--a lot!

Bandmate I mentioned is wired a little tighter than I am and we rehearse at his place, so he gets a bit
more tense and uppity about it all. Maybe rightly so.

Keeping a group together is tough! With money as part of the picture or not.

 

[DrewJD82]

I just shot an email to a band looking for a lead guitarist this morning. I quit playing in original bands in 2015 or so and it was the most liberating feeling after going at it for nearly 20 years straight. Especially at the positions I’d ended up in as I was only singing in the last 3 original bands I was in. I attempted a cover band for the first time in 20 years last year; very limited experience with the members, 3/5’s of us never played a live gig before, but they were decent musicians and really, really nice people. By the time it ended no one really gave a sh*t anymore, our bass player was an addict and kinda made things not as fun. We just stopped responding to his texts.

I really miss playing guitar live, that was the entire reason I wanted to get back into a band. Getting the FM9 definitely spurred that enthusiasm for playing live again. We’ll see what this new band says, they’re pretty decent and get some pretty damn good gigs. Though I’ve noticed looking at their YouTube, I’m going to be the 3rd or 4th lead guitarists in the last few years. Hope they’re not all dying and it’s like a Spinal Tap thing!

 

[-BOOGIEMAN-]

Well Bob, if it were me, I’d honor the commitments that have been made, then take a break and find your peace with what you want to do…

 

[TJontheRoad]

I quit live gigging just before the pandemic hit. Do I miss the egos, playing tunes wrong, dive bars, crappy pay, lugging gear, zero imaginative set lists, and bouncing rehearsal days where inevitably someone doesn't show up anyway? Nope. Not a bit.

 

[jellodog]

I really love being in a tight band. It's like a drug to me

So why not find people that just want to play privately for their own pleasure and not for doing gigs?

You don't have to play live in front of a bunch of boozy randos in a shitty club if you don't want to; but you can still enjoy playing, no?

 

[Bob Zaod]

I keep trying to tell myself I've been on an extended break of 7 or 8 years, but realistically... I've probably hung it up.

So why not find people that just want to play privately for their own pleasure and not for doing gigs?

You don't have to play live in front of a bunch of boozy randos in a sh*tty club if you don't want to; but you can still enjoy playing, no?

There's a group of guys out here like that but they are all about 10 years older and playing stuff that doesn't do anything for me. Seals and Croft, America, Simon Garfunkel etc al. I think the heaviest song they do is Born to Be Wild. I still like to play exciting and high energy music not Yacht Rock. I mean I love the experience of working up "some" stuff like that. Was in an oldies band for awhile and that was fun until I couldnt take the drummer getting hammered out of his mind by the 2nd set and losing his meter badly. Then he blames everyone else claiming we are ahead or behind all the time. That one ended kind of ugly with me packing my stuff up at a function we were supposed to do and leaving before we struck a note. he was already 3 highballs in before we were even set up.

 

[TSJMajesty]

When the fun goes out of something, I have a hard time finishing. When it gets to that point, I'm not only ready to leave, but getting excited about finding something else. Hopefully you'll be ok with wrapping up the gigs you're already committed to.

I do agree though, with finding something else to do, perhaps in a "Live from Daryl's House" sort of setting. No pressure..., you can improv, which in and of itself can be really fun, with the right players. I've always enjoyed those sorts of jams, especially when the band is feeding off of each other, and you get this vibe going where the others start to tell what's next, just by body language, or the note choices..., that sort of thing.

And then you get done and someone says, "Man, we should've been taping that!"

 

[jellodog]

perhaps in a "Live from Daryl's House" sort of setting.

+1 for a Live from Zaod's House!

 

[Alex Kenivel]

Well Bob, if it were me, I’d honor the commitments that have been made, then take a break and find your peace with what you want to do…

I'm at the "take a break" part of the above. Might look for some cool dudes to jam with, like a "poker night" kind of deal. After San Franciscan commutes to gigs, clients treating us like shit for little reward, egos from people who don't deserve one, and the live music scene declining, I'd rather be sleeping at 3am instead of tearing down my gear and squeezing myself through crackhead encampments to find my car pissed on. I like sleep.

 

[Bob Zaod]

Well as of last night I have bowed out of 3 of the 4 bands I am involved in. Gave it a lot of thought and decided I'd like to keep doing the covers thing. I get the most joy out of that and it's the busiest project I have going. On top of that the people in that band are so much easier to deal with.

 

[itchyfingers]

The hang can be more impotant than the music, indeed. Hope that paring down to the one band that brings you joy continues to bring joy, Bob.

 

[Bob Zaod]

The hang can be more impotant than the music, indeed. Hope that paring down to the one band that brings you joy continues to bring joy, Bob.

I could make this thread 5 pages longer by just talking about the main reason I quit 2 of those other 3. My brother in-law. Family functions = good, attending shows together = good, general talks and hangs = good. Being involved in a band with him = The very worst band member I have ever dealt with in my life.

 

[la szum]

I do agree though, with finding something else to do, perhaps in a "Live from Daryl's House" sort of setting. No pressure..., you can improv, which in and of itself can be really fun, with the right players. I've always enjoyed those sorts of jams, especially when the band is feeding off of each other, and you get this vibe going where the others start to tell what's next, just by body language, or the note choices..., that sort of thing.

And then you get done and someone says, "Man, we should've been taping that!"

Haha! We said/did that last night. It was a LOT of fun.