I've said so before: The issue isn't real vs. electronic kits. The issue is drummers. If all drummers had the discipline (and no, I'm not even talking chops or style here) of Steve Gadd, Vinnie Colaiuta, Omar Hakim and whom not, nobody would ever complain. Simply because these guys manage to sound outstanding at any venue, any level and in (pretty much any) style.
When these guys are playing (and I've seen all of them so I could actually listen to the sound of their sets, not just through the PA), they sound great to start with. Even when you stand close to them.
But enter your rehearsal room (or stage when the drums are already checked) and with your average drummer, you often just want to leave instantly. Things aren't just too loud, very often they also sound pretty bad.
Yeah, smash that snare until it starts to compress on its own - yuck, there's no uglier sound. And you gotta listen to that horrible sound at least twice for each bar over an entire evening.
Just ask a drummer to hit a snare with full energy (which is what pretty much all of them will resort to over a longer gig) a few times while standing like 2 meters away from it. Don't tell me that's a pleasant sound - because it fucking isn't. It's an ear destroying impact with a very little enjoyable frequency spectrum. And yet, that's the very sound you will have to listen to a few thousand times during a gig. What a great idea to start with.
It's a sound that cuts through the loudest cranked amp you might be using easily. And due to it's transient richness, there's no way for out ears to escape others than starting to just wimp out (which is why you hear loud beeps after long rehearsals and gigs, let alone constant tinnitus).
The (very few) great drummers I'm playing with are aware of that. They choose to bring a snare that is appropriate and no ear piercing BS (let alone a piccolo...) and they also don't hit it as if there's no tomorrow.
Same goes for the rest of the set (snares just being the most notorious offenders).
As an anecdote: 2 years ago, I had to play some gigs with a really loud drummer. Didn't help much he's half-deaf himself already. We had to practice in a horribly tight and "loud on its own" rehearsal room. And he was like "I can hardly hear myself!" - when the entire room was just a blast of incredible loud drum noise.
Guy also turned up with what was the single most horrible crash I had ever listened to. Not only was it incredibly loud, no, it also rang so fucking long it was beyond belief. So long we thought something was wrong in the PA when a song was already done. Just happened to be his dreaded crash that kept ringing (and he never dared to stop it, either).
Fortunately, all but one gig were open air shows.
I could tell endless stories about drummer completely destroying any great stage sound experience. And as has been mentioned already, it only gets worse once these dudes decide to go for IEMs. Because that's when they lose the last bits of "contenance", entering full beast mode on even the most delicate songs.
Don't get me wrong, I love real drums. I love listening to them standing sort of close. But I hate drummers without an idea of sound. And unfortunately, there gazillions of those.