The band from hell?
- Thread starter LScottK
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I seldom believe there is one answer to any situation. Sometimes with perseverance and communication
things can change, and us powering through can yield some great fruit. Other times, nothing will work
and it all ends up feeling like an effort in futility.
I've been a part of both scenarios enough to realize one-size-fits-all prescriptions are never one-size-fits-all.
Best of luck, OP! Maybe you can make some new friends and you are not the only one who thinks it is a bit of a cluster
things can change, and us powering through can yield some great fruit. Other times, nothing will work
and it all ends up feeling like an effort in futility.
I've been a part of both scenarios enough to realize one-size-fits-all prescriptions are never one-size-fits-all.
Best of luck, OP! Maybe you can make some new friends and you are not the only one who thinks it is a bit of a cluster
Yeah, now the drummer is threatening to quit. I think that he's in recovery, as he doesn't drink or smoke pot at practices. He's a nice guy. Really, most all of them are nice people, though I've dealt with enough drunks to know that someone who is inebriated at 3pm, is overbearing, and gives inconsistent direction, is going to be a problem. I'm also discovering that the other lead guitarist is likely quitting because of the overall band environment. He'll have a beer, but no smoke. He's a good guitarist and really helpful. But I think that the overall situation is driving him away as well.
I'm going to call out the band leader, in front of everyone if necessary, if he continues to be disrespectful. I've been playing in bands a long time. I'll only put up with so much. At this point, I'm doing the gig to make contacts and get my chops back after not playing in a full band for over a decade. But I'll walk away if it gets too thick with
I'm going to call out the band leader, in front of everyone if necessary, if he continues to be disrespectful. I've been playing in bands a long time. I'll only put up with so much. At this point, I'm doing the gig to make contacts and get my chops back after not playing in a full band for over a decade. But I'll walk away if it gets too thick with
Enchilada Jones
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I think they proved the old saying is true: You can’t go back to high school once you leave.
Recruit your favorite players from their wreckage with the same disregard the asshat members that created this situation had for you.
Suggest this new band be called F That Noise.
Steal the gig they lost.
Recruit your favorite players from their wreckage with the same disregard the asshat members that created this situation had for you.
Suggest this new band be called F That Noise.
Steal the gig they lost.
Unfortunately, I believe what goes around comes around. Or, in another way of saying this, Karma. The bass player is really good. So is the drummer. And the singer is outstanding.
However, they have all known each other for 10 years (or more). It would be a hard sell to get them to get them to abandon Mr Monkey Douche. Plus, music is my escape from drama. I already have enough in my life. I don't want to create more if I can help it.
BahamaDada
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Thought that while reading.
It's just fair to play a gig and leave in respect and all, but leave.
Every band (constellation) has an expiring date - some are early, some are very far away, but there is one.
Yes, leaving is still an option. However, the band leader has been handling things much better after I sent my email that I mentioned in the original post. He's being respectful and our last practice (last Wednesday) went well. And, I'm treating this as a temporary situation. I still have an ad up on Bandmix and I'm continuing to look for other opportunities. For now, this is a good situation to recover my chops. If the poor behavior hadn't changed then I would still be considering leaving more immediately. But they are making concessions at this point. It may just be because they need a guitarist for the gig so they don't want me to fly the coup. Or maybe they talked things over and why I was upset and trying to make an honest change. Either option is okay with me. I understood the circumstance that I was a temporary replacement before I agreed to do the gig. Pro guitarists get hired for this sorts of gigs all the time. I just have to make piece that I'm not a full member of the band, so I don't have a voice in song selection or for refining arrangements. I make suggestions, but I have no expectations that anyone will act on them.
Where I got bent out of shape was when it was suggested, right in front of me, that the band might curtail my opportunity to practice so soon before a gig. Suggesting that I learn 40 songs with unique arrangements and restricting my practice time with the band, that's something that pissed me off. It would have been completely different if, instead of talking as if I wasn't in the room, someone had asked "We're thinking of having you come to limited practices because the practice room is too small for the entire band roster. How do you feel about that?" Then I could have said something like, "I understand that this is an important gig for your band. Reducing the number of practices that I participate in so soon before a major performance will compromise my ability to give you my best performance. I'm not comfortable with this and I hope that you'll reconsider taking this action."
What was hard was being in the room while they talked without letting me voice my opinion - or at least ignoring me as I spoke. Then, having the band leader pile on by micromanaging my playing and giving me inconsistent instructions, that was just the coup de gras. I used to read Tommy Tedescos column in Guitar Player magazine where he would discuss studio sessions and how he would deal with unreasonable producers. As a studio musician he frequently had to deal with difficult personalities making unreasonable decisions. I still remember a story that he shared where he was at a session and the producer asked him to use a balalaika instead of a nylon acoustic. Tommy Tedesco had a half wall right in front of him, between him and the control room where the producer was sitting, so he bent down and pretended to change instruments. He played the next take with same instrument he was originally using and the producer said something "Oh yeah, that's much better."
I am far, far from Tommy Tedesco's skill level. I'm a weekend warrior whose chops have gone to seed after having a fretting hand injury for the last decade. Regardless, I want to be as professional as I'm able. So I'll put up with some crap if I believe it benefits me in the long term. In this case, having a band context to improve my chops and the opportunity to get current recordings of a performance makes it worth dealing with some amount of shit. There is a line where I'll go "to hell with it." But, for the last week, things seem to be moving further from the line, so I'm sticking with it unless there is some drastic change for the worse.
Where I got bent out of shape was when it was suggested, right in front of me, that the band might curtail my opportunity to practice so soon before a gig. Suggesting that I learn 40 songs with unique arrangements and restricting my practice time with the band, that's something that pissed me off. It would have been completely different if, instead of talking as if I wasn't in the room, someone had asked "We're thinking of having you come to limited practices because the practice room is too small for the entire band roster. How do you feel about that?" Then I could have said something like, "I understand that this is an important gig for your band. Reducing the number of practices that I participate in so soon before a major performance will compromise my ability to give you my best performance. I'm not comfortable with this and I hope that you'll reconsider taking this action."
What was hard was being in the room while they talked without letting me voice my opinion - or at least ignoring me as I spoke. Then, having the band leader pile on by micromanaging my playing and giving me inconsistent instructions, that was just the coup de gras. I used to read Tommy Tedescos column in Guitar Player magazine where he would discuss studio sessions and how he would deal with unreasonable producers. As a studio musician he frequently had to deal with difficult personalities making unreasonable decisions. I still remember a story that he shared where he was at a session and the producer asked him to use a balalaika instead of a nylon acoustic. Tommy Tedesco had a half wall right in front of him, between him and the control room where the producer was sitting, so he bent down and pretended to change instruments. He played the next take with same instrument he was originally using and the producer said something "Oh yeah, that's much better."
I am far, far from Tommy Tedesco's skill level. I'm a weekend warrior whose chops have gone to seed after having a fretting hand injury for the last decade. Regardless, I want to be as professional as I'm able. So I'll put up with some crap if I believe it benefits me in the long term. In this case, having a band context to improve my chops and the opportunity to get current recordings of a performance makes it worth dealing with some amount of shit. There is a line where I'll go "to hell with it." But, for the last week, things seem to be moving further from the line, so I'm sticking with it unless there is some drastic change for the worse.
The epilogue is that I started practicing with the band and things started getting better. About half the band was mediocre at best, but the dude mentioned in an earlier post wasn't drunk all the time and started being an advocate for me getting practice time with the band. Things seemed like they were going to work out OK. And then my grandfather got sick and went in to the hospital. Several days later he passed away. I live in Washington State and he lived in North Carolina. I flew back to North Carolina to be with him before he passed, and then had to take care of his estate. So I missed the gig anyway. I felt bad about it because this all happened less than two weeks before the gig. But I loved my grandfather and family comes first. It was a gift that I was able to arrive in North Carolina before he passed. He was 97 years old and a holocaust survivor. He was aware and present when I arrived at the hospital around 8:30pm Sunday night. He died at 10:58pm. He recognized me, and though he was in a lot of pain, he was still joking with me an hour before he died. My wife and I visited him about 3 weeks prior to his going into the hospital. He shared more about his experiences in the camps during this visit than he had ever shared before. It was heartbreaking to hear first hand accounts of all of the cruelty and suffering. It is unimaginable to me. And time after time, my grandfather stood up for others and helped others even when he was starving and suffering himself. He wasn't a perfect man, but in my mind he was a great man who lived his life with integrity while caring for others. I think he was a hero, though he told me when I said that to him, that he isn't a hero. He didn't choose to be in that situation, he just did what he had to do to survive. His name was Zola. I miss him and grieve his loss. And I celebrate his life and I am grateful that he was part of my family.
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My condolences. It's a blessing you were able to be with him during that time though.
Yes, I agree. He was born in Eastern Europe (on the border between what is now Czechoslovakia and Hungary). His family lived in a small village and he did not have running water or electricity. He was old school, and didn't like the fact that I was a long hair pot smoker in my teens. Our relationship was rocky at times, but in the end we grew to love and respect one another. He blew me kisses when I arrived in his hospital room. It still brings tears to my eyes. I got a call from his doctor just before boarding the plane. The doctor said that he had asked to have his oxygen removed. He had pneumonia and the doctor said, without oxygen, he expected him to die in about an hour. So I flew across country thinking that he had already passed. He knew that I was on a plane coming to be with him and I believe that he waited for me before he let go. I am grateful that I was with him so that he didn't pass alone.
Los-D
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My condolences as well but VERY happy you had the chance to say goodbye and be with him.
State of Epicicity
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I’m so sorry. May you have all the comfort you need to grieve in peace. God bless the people like him who’ve endured inhumanity and still kept their humanity.
Thank you for your kindness.Wow! Gonna make me cry here.
Sounds like Zola was a great man, and also very proud of you.
May his memory and example continue to inspire you.
