Isn’t the attempt to capture the ‘not this shit again’ being done all wrong?

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I mean, if you think about it, the OP is right on the money, and furthermore, IRs are usually captured with mics that impart their own eq curve/personality onto the sound as well, so yeah

Maybe I'm boring but I wanna provide the first serious answer in the thread to the OP, after 2+ pages:
Yes, you're right, that's why the only thing that comes close is far-field reflection-free IRs, as Jay Mitchell has been saying for years, when you want to recreate that NTSA© thing thru please god make it stop speakers.
If you want it in headphones instead, you need to bake in the room as well, ideally with a long binaural stereo IR.
You were not the first serious answer, see my post above yours, from page 2, but, point taken.
 
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