Aging

[LScottK]

I had a royally fucked up childhood. Lots of abuse and caregivers who were so focused upon themselves that I wasn't even an afterthought. My homelife was hell. I started using alcohol, acid, pot and other hallucinogens at 13 and moved out of my mom's house when I was 14. Since the time I was three, I have had a series of intense experiences that, when put in a list, sound like a movie plot you would never believe would happen in real life. In 1980 I was accepted to attend GIT (now MIT) in LA. I flew down (from Seattle) to visit and realized that I did not have the emotional capacity to practice 8 -12 hours a day. I understood that I would not end up in a good place. So I never went, and life took another path, that included additional trauma. Here I am in my 60s (I'll be 65 in a couple of weeks) and I continue to fight through a series of health issues. The latest health issue that affects my guitar playing is putting a deep cut in my left thumb because I picked up a large box of aluminum foil. The weight was too much for my one-handed grip, so the box slipped out of my hand and the serrated edge put a deep gash into my left thumb. No surgery, but over two months later and it still hurts and tendons in my thumb are catching. I can play through the pain, but I have to admit I'm sick and tired of pain, whether emotional or physical.

I get the earlier statement about walking it off. Trouble is, I've been trying to walk it off since I was 3. That's a fucking long walk. On the bright side, I'm on my third marriage, and I think I finally got it right. She's a kind, loving person who fights fair and genuinely cares about my well being and thinks of me positively. For this I am very grateful. But I'm sick and tired of my Scientologist father spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his "faith", without once taking responsibility for the predicament he left my mom and me in, living off food stamps for most of my childhood.

I try to maintain a positive attitude, and I often succeed in keeping a rosy view about life and the future. But the impact of the past still exerts influence. I believe that it's important to practice gratitude. I also carry the weight of the impact of other people's insanity. A spiritual practice is vital. It's often still hard.

I now have a nice collection of quality guitars, and I still play. But living in a smallish town (Olympia, WA) has made it really hard to find a band that I want to be in (or who wants me, if I'm honest). Seeking deeper understanding about life challenges and how to navigate them, has become my path. I continue to replace the negative messages of my childhood with positives that support love, safety and personal growth. This reality is odd to me. So much suffering and darkness in the world, when if we just joined together it would be possible to stop the killing, hunger, selfishness and greed that is so prevalent in this world. Perhaps, at some point, humanity will grow into mindfulness, kindness, generosity, and compassion. I hope that we reach this milestone soon, if only for my kid's sake.

 

[AZG]

I can definitely relate to some of the posts in this thread. I'm mid 50's and starting to really feel the slow down of age. But I think part of this is age related and the other part is having a surprise baby at 50. She is the most amazing thing I've been apart of in my life, but it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a kid so I blame her partly for always feeling tired I've also historically been pretty athletic, biking, hiking, running, skiing 5-6 days a week. But with a young child that's no longer possible and I believe a sizable part of the slow down and lower energy comes from not taking as good a care of myself. I'm trying to get myself back in better shape in hopes of offsetting some of the age related slow down, but it's definitely harder than when I was in my 20's, 30's or even 40's Can't say I love getting older and all the unwanted baggage that comes with it, but trying my best to do it with style and enjoy the ride.

 

[Ed DeGenaro]

I had a royally fucked up childhood. Lots of abuse and caregivers who were so focused upon themselves that I wasn't even an afterthought. My homelife was hell. I started using alcohol, acid, pot and other hallucinogens at 13 and moved out of my mom's house when I was 14. Since the time I was three, I have had a series of intense experiences that, when put in a list, sound like a movie plot you would never believe would happen in real life. In 1980 I was accepted to attend GIT (now MIT) in LA. I flew down (from Seattle) to visit and realized that I did not have the emotional capacity to practice 8 -12 hours a day. I understood that I would not end up in a good place. So I never went, and life took another path, that included additional trauma. Here I am in my 60s (I'll be 65 in a couple of weeks) and I continue to fight through a series of health issues. The latest health issue that affects my guitar playing is putting a deep cut in my left thumb because I picked up a large box of aluminum foil. The weight was too much for my one-handed grip, so the box slipped out of my hand and the serrated edge put a deep gash into my left thumb. No surgery, but over two months later and it still hurts and tendons in my thumb are catching. I can play through the pain, but I have to admit I'm sick and tired of pain, whether emotional or physical.

I get the earlier statement about walking it off. Trouble is, I've been trying to walk it off since I was 3. That's a fucking long walk. On the bright side, I'm on my third marriage, and I think I finally got it right. She's a kind, loving person who fights fair and genuinely cares about my well being and thinks of me positively. For this I am very grateful. But I'm sick and tired of my Scientologist father spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his "faith", without once taking responsibility for the predicament he left my mom and me in, living off food stamps for most of my childhood.

I try to maintain a positive attitude, and I often succeed in keeping a rosy view about life and the future. But the impact of the past still exerts influence. I believe that it's important to practice gratitude. I also carry the weight of the impact of other people's insanity. A spiritual practice is vital. It's often still hard.

I now have a nice collection of quality guitars, and I still play. But living in a smallish town (Olympia, WA) has made it really hard to find a band that I want to be in (or who wants me, if I'm honest). Seeking deeper understanding about life challenges and how to navigate them, has become my path. I continue to replace the negative messages of my childhood with positives that support love, safety and personal growth. This reality is odd to me. So much suffering and darkness in the world, when if we just joined together it would be possible to stop the killing, hunger, selfishness and greed that is so prevalent in this world. Perhaps, at some point, humanity will grow into mindfulness, kindness, generosity, and compassion. I hope that we reach this milestone soon, if only for my kid's sake.

I hear you, I was a drunk that liked uppers to keep drinking since age 15 when I started living in my own.

Reality is I moved to the outskirts of a small town (5000 people) in Hungry because I had to remove triggers.

The playing in bands is taking a back seat to my mental health.
Shoulda thought about that decades ago.

Also the 9 month of dreary in the Pac NW aren't great for a sunny disposition. I lived 15 years in Seattle.

As for your thumb, touch sensitivity can be lessened with super glue

 

[Jarick]

Man that's a heavy topic!

I'm doing alright at 42 years old, mostly because I still have younger kids to keep me busy. My son is going to graduate high school in a year which is crazy. But my other two are in elementary school and youngest is in 1st grade so we have a ways to go until empty nesting (I hope).

Sadly I have lost touch with my parents due to a falling out and them moving across the country. They got progressively more extreme in their opinions and frankly my mom has always been passive aggressive and emotionally manipulative. When 2020 hit and we refused to travel during lockdowns, she threw a fit and I just said fuck it and cut them off.

On top of that, I'm an only child and my mom had already burned bridges with everyone else in her family, so I'm down to just a handful of relatives that I'm not super close with for my family. Luckily my wife has a decent sized family and her parents are the nicest people so it's not so bad. If I ever got divorced though I would be horribly isolated.

Physically I'm starting to wear down, and I really need to get into the doctor to get my testosterone levels checked. All symptoms point to that dropping quite a bit over the last few years. Truly I need to get my diet cleaned up and should start weight lifting because I can tell my muscles are starting to atrophy a bit. Weight is stable but clothes don't fit like they used to, which means lean mass is dropping. At least I quit drinking, which was one of the better decisions I've made.

I took up running last year and want to do a couple 5k's with my daughter again, so maybe that will help. Actually you know what, I'm going to do another run now!

 

[nitrateaudio]

fuck you you guys are young. :-)

 

[la szum]

This hand thing I had happen was at the same time I had some serious stomach thing and jaundice.
None of those had me too worried.

The left hand failing me was me hitting bottom.
For that I actually back paid insurance to get it reinstated and made doc appointments.
Which were completely useless.

You have CTS. You don't have it. You have some neurological thing you don't have it, you have trigger finger you don't have it.

At that point I remembered my old man's fix all.
Stop crying and walk it the fuck off, son.

Practicing and working was feeling like hell, until I started dousing 4 fingers tips in crazy glue.

But beating the snot out of my hand brought it back. But I do do not want to go back there ever again.
184 days sober

You kind of crazy, Ed, and now we know who is responsible for it.

 

[la szum]

I had a royally fucked up childhood. Lots of abuse and caregivers who were so focused upon themselves that I wasn't even an afterthought. My homelife was hell. I started using alcohol, acid, pot and other hallucinogens at 13 and moved out of my mom's house when I was 14. Since the time I was three, I have had a series of intense experiences that, when put in a list, sound like a movie plot you would never believe would happen in real life. In 1980 I was accepted to attend GIT (now MIT) in LA. I flew down (from Seattle) to visit and realized that I did not have the emotional capacity to practice 8 -12 hours a day. I understood that I would not end up in a good place. So I never went, and life took another path, that included additional trauma. Here I am in my 60s (I'll be 65 in a couple of weeks) and I continue to fight through a series of health issues. The latest health issue that affects my guitar playing is putting a deep cut in my left thumb because I picked up a large box of aluminum foil. The weight was too much for my one-handed grip, so the box slipped out of my hand and the serrated edge put a deep gash into my left thumb. No surgery, but over two months later and it still hurts and tendons in my thumb are catching. I can play through the pain, but I have to admit I'm sick and tired of pain, whether emotional or physical.

I get the earlier statement about walking it off. Trouble is, I've been trying to walk it off since I was 3. That's a fucking long walk. On the bright side, I'm on my third marriage, and I think I finally got it right. She's a kind, loving person who fights fair and genuinely cares about my well being and thinks of me positively. For this I am very grateful. But I'm sick and tired of my Scientologist father spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his "faith", without once taking responsibility for the predicament he left my mom and me in, living off food stamps for most of my childhood.

I try to maintain a positive attitude, and I often succeed in keeping a rosy view about life and the future. But the impact of the past still exerts influence. I believe that it's important to practice gratitude. I also carry the weight of the impact of other people's insanity. A spiritual practice is vital. It's often still hard.

I now have a nice collection of quality guitars, and I still play. But living in a smallish town (Olympia, WA) has made it really hard to find a band that I want to be in (or who wants me, if I'm honest). Seeking deeper understanding about life challenges and how to navigate them, has become my path. I continue to replace the negative messages of my childhood with positives that support love, safety and personal growth. This reality is odd to me. So much suffering and darkness in the world, when if we just joined together it would be possible to stop the killing, hunger, selfishness and greed that is so prevalent in this world. Perhaps, at some point, humanity will grow into mindfulness, kindness, generosity, and compassion. I hope that we reach this milestone soon, if only for my kid's sake.

Sounds like your breaking the cycle. Not sure there is a more urgent and vital task to be handed in life.

Not passing it on, or spewing that trauma all over everyone else is a monumental feat that few accomplish.

Very inspiring, and I say, "Great job!"

 

[la szum]

I can definitely relate to some of the posts in this thread. I'm mid 50's and starting to really feel the slow down of age. But I think part of this is age related and the other part is having a surprise baby at 50. She is the most amazing thing I've been apart of in my life, but it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a kid so I blame her partly for always feeling tired I've also historically been pretty athletic, biking, hiking, running, skiing 5-6 days a week. But with a young child that's no longer possible and I believe a sizable part of the slow down and lower energy comes from not taking as good a care of myself. I'm trying to get myself back in better shape in hopes of offsetting some of the age related slow down, but it's definitely harder than when I was in my 20's, 30's or even 40's Can't say I love getting older and all the unwanted baggage that comes with it, but trying my best to do it with style and enjoy the ride.

Congrats on the Daughter! How awesome. :)

One of my best friends and I play in a band together. He started
dating a woman 25 years his junior. Next thing you know we are
all at their Wedding. Next thing you know they have a new Daughter.
He was 48 at the time.

He's honestly the happiest I have seen him in his adult life. I couldn't
be happier for them. And for you.

 

[AZG]

Congrats on the Daughter! How awesome. :)

One of my best friends and I play in a band together. He started
dating a woman 25 years his junior. Next thing you know we are
all at their Wedding. Next thing you know they have a new Daughter.
He was 48 at the time.

He's honestly the happiest I have seen him in his adult life. I couldn't
be happier for them. And for you.

Thanks! Funny story on this theme. I have a friend who is about 15 years older than me. He had a kid at 50 and I use to give him all kinds of shit about it trying to get a rise out of him. Asking him things like how's he going to feel the first time he is at a park with his daughter and one of her little friends comes up and asks if he is her grandpa? Of course he took great joy in returning the favor when I had a kid at 50

 

[LScottK]

I hear you, I was a drunk that liked uppers to keep drinking since age 15 when I started living in my own.

Reality is I moved to the outskirts of a small town (5000 people) in Hungry because I had to remove triggers.

The playing in bands is taking a back seat to my mental health.
Shoulda thought about that decades ago.

Also the 9 month of dreary in the Pac NW aren't great for a sunny disposition. I lived 15 years in Seattle.

As for your thumb, touch sensitivity can be lessened with super glue

Thank you Ed. Facing what I don't want to face has been hard. But I at some point I realized that if I didn't face what I had to face, life would get worse, not better. That has been hard to accept. But, over the years, things HAVE gotten better. I can say that now after almost 25 years of working on sobriety and becoming healthy in mind and body. I live in Olympia, so I hear you about the perpetual overcast. I can vouch that lack of sun does have an impact.

My thumb seems to be going through a process. Sometimes it feels better, then the symptom(s) change and things don't work right until the symptoms change or go away. I'm going back to see the Dr to see if physical therapy would help.

 

[LScottK]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has responded in this thread. The kindness and willingness to be real means a lot to me. It's more common to get something not so gentle on the interwebs. Thanks to each of you.

 

[Alex Kenivel]

A friend I've known since Jr. High died this week. He almost made it to 40. We were both part of the spray paint/skateboard/Jackass wannabe crew in high-school, and reconnected after we graduated in the punk party scene.

After we both settled down, he and his wife taught at the high school my son went to while their son was enrolled in my preschool.

We both still skateboarded on through adulthood and he was also a Mauy Thai fighter. The last time we skated together I ended up falling, landing in the splits, royally fucking my ankle and didn't fully recover for 2 years. Needless to say, my friends and I aren't known for picking the safest of activities.

But the cause of his death? Of all things?

Slip and fall in the shower.

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

A friend I've known since Jr. High died this week. He almost made it to 40. We were both part of the spray paint/skateboard/Jackass wannabe crew in high-school, and reconnected after we graduated in the punk party scene.

After we both settled down, he and his wife taught at the high school my son went to while their son was enrolled in my preschool.

We both still skateboarded on through adulthood and he was also a Mauy Thai fighter. The last time we skated together I ended up falling, landing in the splits, royally fucking my ankle and didn't fully recover for 2 years. Needless to say, my friends and I aren't known for picking the safest of activities.

But the cause of his death? Of all things?

Slip and fall in the shower.

Sorry to hear that Alex ;~(( Sounds like you have some fantastic memories to cherish! Might be time to put some handles and grip tape in the shower!!

 

[nitrateaudio]

I can definitely relate to some of the posts in this thread. I'm mid 50's and starting to really feel the slow down of age. But I think part of this is age related and the other part is having a surprise baby at 50. She is the most amazing thing I've been apart of in my life, but it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a kid so I blame her partly for always feeling tired I've also historically been pretty athletic, biking, hiking, running, skiing 5-6 days a week. But with a young child that's no longer possible and I believe a sizable part of the slow down and lower energy comes from not taking as good a care of myself. I'm trying to get myself back in better shape in hopes of offsetting some of the age related slow down, but it's definitely harder than when I was in my 20's, 30's or even 40's Can't say I love getting older and all the unwanted baggage that comes with it, but trying my best to do it with style and enjoy the ride.

congrats on the new baby. you can still be athletic. baby runner stoller and baby back pack. thats what i used when my kids were babies.

 

[nitrateaudio]

While we are at the water cool and reminiscing, It got me remembering things from my youth. So there i was in the early 90s in college and while everyone my age was into grunge and alternative and new music, i fell off that roller coaster and got into 70s music and was it neck deep discovering the wonders to be found on the records of Steely Dan, Doobie Bros, Eagles and so on. And I dressed like I was teleported from a geasy spoon in the 70s into the 90s. And there was this super cute and super hot skinhead alternative chick who was crazy about the chilli peppers who would go around and pick on me and bully me all the time for the way i looked. I think I looked like Skunk in the 70s..

ahh.. good times.. :-)

Don't think too much about the past. It is gone and done with. I feel old but I also feel alive and better than ever. I don't give a shit and rarely if ever anything anymore. Nothing gets to me. My only real stresses are dealing and caring for my aging parents and the uncertainty of what to do and how long this will last and go on for.

 

[LScottK]

While we are at the water cool and reminiscing, It got me remembering things from my youth. So there i was in the early 90s in college and while everyone my age was into grunge and alternative and new music, i fell off that roller coaster and got into 70s music and was it neck deep discovering the wonders to be found on the records of Steely Dan, Doobie Bros, Eagles and so on. And I dressed like I was teleported from a geasy spoon in the 70s into the 90s. And there was this super cute and super hot skinhead alternative chick who was crazy about the chilli peppers who would go around and pick on me and bully me all the time for the way i looked. I think I looked like Skunk in the 70s..

ahh.. good times.. :-)

Don't think too much about the past. It is gone and done with. I feel old but I also feel alive and better than ever. I don't give a shit and rarely if ever anything anymore. Nothing gets to me. My only real stresses are dealing and caring for my aging parents and the uncertainty of what to do and how long this will last and go on for.

You do look like Skunk Baxter. Serious question, have you ever been asked for an autograph?

In my opinion he's one of the most underrated guitarists from the 70s. He was on the first three Steely Dan albums (including doing the solo on Rikki Don't Lose That Number) before joining The Doobie Brothers. He's also "wicked smart." In the truth is stranger than fiction category, he became such an expert on weapons that he was hired by the U.S. defense department as a consultant. Lots of info about this on the internet. Here is a short interview with Baxter himself discussing how he became a weapons expert:

 

[TSJMajesty]

One of the oldest ones here, along with Ed, Andy and a few others, in my early 60's. Mind is as sharp as ever; body not so much, but I'm still pretty active. My Lf knee and Rt foot pain, I can deal with (arthritis.) But my biggest struggle is I just don't have the ambition I used to have.

Shit, back in my mid 20's, I got an opportunity I wasn't looking for, to bid the construction of a new home. Up to that point I was mainly a framing contractor, with a few home improvement jobs under my belt.

So I jumped right in, taking 3 full weeks to get my bid together, which was $565,000. 4 bids total, 1 very close to mine, 1 around 300k, and another around 800k. So I new my bid was fine. Customer decided to not build the house because the architect had given them the impression it could be done for 250K. UFB

I say that because I'm at a crossroads. I got laid off recently, so I've taken the time to do all sorts of projects around my house that I haven't had the time to do, but I want to go back into business for myself as a home improvement contractor (for which I am very good at, and have tons of experience), but I can't seem to find the motivation to jump in. It's like I wish I could take the "damn the torpedoes" attitude of my 20's, my business skills of my 30's & 40's, and my experience and knowledge gained from all those years, and combine them all into the same guy!

 

[ᛗᛜᛜᚺDᛜᎶ Ꮤᛨᚳᚴ]

One of the oldest ones here, along with Ed, Andy and a few others, in my early 60's. Mind is as sharp as ever; body not so much, but I'm still pretty active. My Lf knee and Rt foot pain, I can deal with (arthritis.) But my biggest struggle is I just don't have the ambition I used to have.

Shit, back in my mid 20's, I got an opportunity I wasn't looking for, to bid the construction of a new home. Up to that point I was mainly a framing contractor, with a few home improvement jobs under my belt.

So I jumped right in, taking 3 full weeks to get my bid together, which was $565,000. 4 bids total, 1 very close to mine, 1 around 300k, and another around 800k. So I new my bid was fine. Customer decided to not build the house because the architect had given them the impression it could be done for 250K. UFB

I say that because I'm at a crossroads. I got laid off recently, so I've taken the time to do all sorts of projects around my house that I haven't had the time to do, but I want to go back into business for myself as a home improvement contractor (for which I am very good at, and have tons of experience), but I can't seem to find the motivation to jump in. It's like I wish I could take the "damn the torpedoes" attitude of my 20's, my business skills of my 30's & 40's, and my experience and knowledge gained from all those years, and combine them all into the same guy!

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