Aging

[LScottK]

I had a royally fucked up childhood. Lots of abuse and caregivers who were so focused upon themselves that I wasn't even an afterthought. My homelife was hell. I started using alcohol, acid, pot and other hallucinogens at 13 and moved out of my mom's house when I was 14. Since the time I was three, I have had a series of intense experiences that, when put in a list, sound like a movie plot you would never believe would happen in real life. In 1980 I was accepted to attend GIT (now MIT) in LA. I flew down (from Seattle) to visit and realized that I did not have the emotional capacity to practice 8 -12 hours a day. I understood that I would not end up in a good place. So I never went, and life took another path, that included additional trauma. Here I am in my 60s (I'll be 65 in a couple of weeks) and I continue to fight through a series of health issues. The latest health issue that affects my guitar playing is putting a deep cut in my left thumb because I picked up a large box of aluminum foil. The weight was too much for my one-handed grip, so the box slipped out of my hand and the serrated edge put a deep gash into my left thumb. No surgery, but over two months later and it still hurts and tendons in my thumb are catching. I can play through the pain, but I have to admit I'm sick and tired of pain, whether emotional or physical.

I get the earlier statement about walking it off. Trouble is, I've been trying to walk it off since I was 3. That's a fucking long walk. On the bright side, I'm on my third marriage, and I think I finally got it right. She's a kind, loving person who fights fair and genuinely cares about my well being and thinks of me positively. For this I am very grateful. But I'm sick and tired of my Scientologist father spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his "faith", without once taking responsibility for the predicament he left my mom and me in, living off food stamps for most of my childhood.

I try to maintain a positive attitude, and I often succeed in keeping a rosy view about life and the future. But the impact of the past still exerts influence. I believe that it's important to practice gratitude. I also carry the weight of the impact of other people's insanity. A spiritual practice is vital. It's often still hard.

I now have a nice collection of quality guitars, and I still play. But living in a smallish town (Olympia, WA) has made it really hard to find a band that I want to be in (or who wants me, if I'm honest). Seeking deeper understanding about life challenges and how to navigate them, has become my path. I continue to replace the negative messages of my childhood with positives that support love, safety and personal growth. This reality is odd to me. So much suffering and darkness in the world, when if we just joined together it would be possible to stop the killing, hunger, selfishness and greed that is so prevalent in this world. Perhaps, at some point, humanity will grow into mindfulness, kindness, generosity, and compassion. I hope that we reach this milestone soon, if only for my kid's sake.

 

[AZG]

I can definitely relate to some of the posts in this thread. I'm mid 50's and starting to really feel the slow down of age. But I think part of this is age related and the other part is having a surprise baby at 50. She is the most amazing thing I've been apart of in my life, but it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a kid so I blame her partly for always feeling tired I've also historically been pretty athletic, biking, hiking, running, skiing 5-6 days a week. But with a young child that's no longer possible and I believe a sizable part of the slow down and lower energy comes from not taking as good a care of myself. I'm trying to get myself back in better shape in hopes of offsetting some of the age related slow down, but it's definitely harder than when I was in my 20's, 30's or even 40's Can't say I love getting older and all the unwanted baggage that comes with it, but trying my best to do it with style and enjoy the ride.

 

[Ed DeGenaro]

I had a royally fucked up childhood. Lots of abuse and caregivers who were so focused upon themselves that I wasn't even an afterthought. My homelife was hell. I started using alcohol, acid, pot and other hallucinogens at 13 and moved out of my mom's house when I was 14. Since the time I was three, I have had a series of intense experiences that, when put in a list, sound like a movie plot you would never believe would happen in real life. In 1980 I was accepted to attend GIT (now MIT) in LA. I flew down (from Seattle) to visit and realized that I did not have the emotional capacity to practice 8 -12 hours a day. I understood that I would not end up in a good place. So I never went, and life took another path, that included additional trauma. Here I am in my 60s (I'll be 65 in a couple of weeks) and I continue to fight through a series of health issues. The latest health issue that affects my guitar playing is putting a deep cut in my left thumb because I picked up a large box of aluminum foil. The weight was too much for my one-handed grip, so the box slipped out of my hand and the serrated edge put a deep gash into my left thumb. No surgery, but over two months later and it still hurts and tendons in my thumb are catching. I can play through the pain, but I have to admit I'm sick and tired of pain, whether emotional or physical.

I get the earlier statement about walking it off. Trouble is, I've been trying to walk it off since I was 3. That's a fucking long walk. On the bright side, I'm on my third marriage, and I think I finally got it right. She's a kind, loving person who fights fair and genuinely cares about my well being and thinks of me positively. For this I am very grateful. But I'm sick and tired of my Scientologist father spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his "faith", without once taking responsibility for the predicament he left my mom and me in, living off food stamps for most of my childhood.

I try to maintain a positive attitude, and I often succeed in keeping a rosy view about life and the future. But the impact of the past still exerts influence. I believe that it's important to practice gratitude. I also carry the weight of the impact of other people's insanity. A spiritual practice is vital. It's often still hard.

I now have a nice collection of quality guitars, and I still play. But living in a smallish town (Olympia, WA) has made it really hard to find a band that I want to be in (or who wants me, if I'm honest). Seeking deeper understanding about life challenges and how to navigate them, has become my path. I continue to replace the negative messages of my childhood with positives that support love, safety and personal growth. This reality is odd to me. So much suffering and darkness in the world, when if we just joined together it would be possible to stop the killing, hunger, selfishness and greed that is so prevalent in this world. Perhaps, at some point, humanity will grow into mindfulness, kindness, generosity, and compassion. I hope that we reach this milestone soon, if only for my kid's sake.

I hear you, I was a drunk that liked uppers to keep drinking since age 15 when I started living in my own.

Reality is I moved to the outskirts of a small town (5000 people) in Hungry because I had to remove triggers.

The playing in bands is taking a back seat to my mental health.
Shoulda thought about that decades ago.

Also the 9 month of dreary in the Pac NW aren't great for a sunny disposition. I lived 15 years in Seattle.

As for your thumb, touch sensitivity can be lessened with super glue

 

[Jarick]

Man that's a heavy topic!

I'm doing alright at 42 years old, mostly because I still have younger kids to keep me busy. My son is going to graduate high school in a year which is crazy. But my other two are in elementary school and youngest is in 1st grade so we have a ways to go until empty nesting (I hope).

Sadly I have lost touch with my parents due to a falling out and them moving across the country. They got progressively more extreme in their opinions and frankly my mom has always been passive aggressive and emotionally manipulative. When 2020 hit and we refused to travel during lockdowns, she threw a fit and I just said fuck it and cut them off.

On top of that, I'm an only child and my mom had already burned bridges with everyone else in her family, so I'm down to just a handful of relatives that I'm not super close with for my family. Luckily my wife has a decent sized family and her parents are the nicest people so it's not so bad. If I ever got divorced though I would be horribly isolated.

Physically I'm starting to wear down, and I really need to get into the doctor to get my testosterone levels checked. All symptoms point to that dropping quite a bit over the last few years. Truly I need to get my diet cleaned up and should start weight lifting because I can tell my muscles are starting to atrophy a bit. Weight is stable but clothes don't fit like they used to, which means lean mass is dropping. At least I quit drinking, which was one of the better decisions I've made.

I took up running last year and want to do a couple 5k's with my daughter again, so maybe that will help. Actually you know what, I'm going to do another run now!

 

[nitrateaudio]

fuck you you guys are young. :-)