1. Flavour intensity - These pack a lot of punch, you’ll be breathing down carcinogenic E numbers towards your friends and colleagues with little effort 8.5/10
2. Flavour quality / taste - Satisfying and yet totally synthetic. 7/10
3. Balance - No subtlety here. These are a strong punch in the gut. I’d rather fewer crisps more spread out than something subtle. 5/10
4. Authenticity - It tastes like steak flavour, not steak. 6/10
5. Aftertaste - I mean, you don’t want to be known as “Roysters Breath”. Still, as long as it’s on your own breath it could be worse. 6/10
6. Repeatability (addictiveness vs fatigue). These tend to be found in smaller packets so they do well here. 9/10
7. Texture compatibility. The bubbled texture is interesting but the size of each individual crisp and strong flavouring mean youre probably going to just stuff these down your gullet naked (the crisps I mean, but you do you). 2/10
8. Availability. A mainstay of your local corner shop, probably in a box on the floor. Mainstream availability is more hit and miss. 3/10
9. Price-to-value. Always fairly priced and cheaper than what “big crisps” want you to believe is a fair price. What you lack in packet size is made up for in synthetic flavourings. 8/10
10. Branding & presentation. They lean into the “American” marketing with their flavour options and red/white/blue stripes, and calling their crisps “bubbled chips” on the packet (which we all know is a type of crisp). The only thing un-American about the experience is the smaller packets and otherwise modest and understated branding. Veers more on the classic than the loud side. Iconic, and a crisp for the people. Never seen them advertised. 5/10
